Today's Apocalypse Sign: What Is Better Than A Badass Slide Whistle Rocker??

Slide whistle bohemian rapsody. Gotta love it. It is worth every second.

Today's Apocalypse Sign: A Memorial Day Monday Minute

1 - Aside from your armpits, what body part of yours sweats the most?Balls you say! What no, no, I mean the river that runs down my back.

2 - You have two slices of bread. You can add one additional ingredient to make a sandwich, but as much of it as you want. What are you putting on it?
It can only be CHEESE!

3 - Can you put your entire fist into your mouth?
What kind of movies have you been watching??? Al Pacino in Cruising??? Please.

4 - Open your email. How many emails do you have in your 'Inbox'?
Total in all my email accounts or just one. See these are never as clear as they seem. 30 in one, 20 in another and 3000 in Aol. See, a little clarification makes a big difference.

5 - If an adult male is taken for ransom, is that considered kidnapping?
This a a trick question right? I am going for the generic term "abduction".

Today's Apocalypse Sign: You Thought I Forgot The Graphs Didn't You?

Today we have a fine assortment of merriment for you. Both visual and pie-ual. At any rate these seemed to combine a particularly cerebral and humorous mix of entertainment. So in the words of Larry the Cable Guy...


gitter done!
Enjoy...

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Today's Apocalypse Sign: Where I Go All Zombie Haiku On Yo Ass!

I found another blog today that has some Apocalyptic overtones to it (actually they found me, I suppose by the name of my site). I enjoyed what I found there and thought I would share. Enter their world if you dare...

Your Daily Sota


And while I was there the haiku bug bit me deep and I rattled off a zombie haiku for their Zombie Haiku contest. It ends May 31st so if you are interested, craft a creepy verse and send it to them They won't bite...hard.

Here is my offering...


Dining Out~

Curse in the brain stem
Craving your grey matter now
Blessed the blood flow

Today's Apocalypse Sign: Shadow Dancing

My first entry into Shadow Shot Sunday over at Hey Harriets blog.

Stairway To Heaven

Trees

I am linking this to Shadow Shot Sunday (cause I was told to :)

Today's Apocalypse Sign: After A Stormy Week...

After a week of stormy weather it's a weekend in Black and White. I really love the second shot!



DAMAGE

After 70 mph straight line winds...

The Mighty Lion Cloud 

The White Lion Cloud prevails over the Dark Forces

I am linking this to Weekend In Black And White.

Today's Apocalypse Sign: The Beginning Of The End...For One

Yesterday the verdict came down in the trial a year in the making. It was for the former co-worker of mine who pled guilty to a heinous crime. Read this post  for the beginning of the story.

The trial was for the sentencing only as he had pled guilty to murder (unknown as to the degree) last Thursday. A few of the people I work with now had to go to court Tuesday and Wednesday but never ended up participating in the events.

I had heard that he thought he would get 15 to 25 years. Figuring he could do the low end and maybe get paroled in even less with good behavior. That could put him less than 50 when he got out with any luck. That was his plan anyway.

Odd that he pled guilty without some sort of plea deal in place (sort of like on Law & Order). Usually the offering is to plead to a charge and a sentence length. The way this went down, he pled guilty last week and the sentencing trial started Monday...with jurors and everything. Has TV legal drama taught me wrong??

In the end it was clear there is no luck for murders. The final verdict.....









62 years! No Parole.

He will be 98...not likely.

Today's Apocalypse Sign: Could This Really Be True??

Please click on the following link and learn something I didn't know...and I've listened to him most of my life.

Plus you have to know the title piqued my interest.

People Are More Interested In Apocalypse Now Than The Holy Ghost

Today's Apocalypse Sign: Fromage De Tete

Trippin' through my local Walmart deli today I had plenty of time to survey the offerings while my meat was being cut (not like THAT!). Since our store caters to a lot of  Hispanic clientele, there are lots of offerings I am not interested in. However, I am always up for a good WTF moment.

Here is today's...

Actually this was a What The FUD moment

This is some sort of deli selection that just does not seem appetizing to a foreigner like me (wait a minute, this IS my country!). I wonder what FUD actually stands for. The blue labeled product says it's ham. There are maybe 5 different packaged delicacies marketed under the FUD label.

The red labeled product sort of put me off my appetite. Upon closer inspection, I had not misread it...

It is pork head cheese. Ironically the deli lady had just sliced me a sample of white American cheese and I was muching on that while I was looking at this. I may have gagged a little.

If you are interested in the making of head cheese for your next neighborhood cook out, watch this:




I know the reporter's heavily exposed bosom is a distraction but get through it.

I was particularly intrigued by the mention of activa that is used as meat "glue". The chef even says how it is used to hold chicken McNuggets together. And also that he has no idea what it is! I guess we just call it meat glue and worry about the health issues later

Today's Apocalypse Sign: Who Would have Thought I Would Post About Lady Gaga!

Well not really, that's just the hook to get you interested. I ran across this today on youtube and for some reason I enjoy the Annoying Orange series of videos. I thought this one was great!

PS. The world didn't end yesterday.

Enjoy




If you are not familiar with Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance", here it is:

Today's Apocalypse Sign: Getting Ready For Summer Weekend Graphs

In the continuing series of making my friends happy, I present this weeks weekend graphs. Go forth and conquer!


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Today's Apocalypse Sign: Some Day's It's Just Too Damn Easy!

Okay, who is this 89 year old whack-job that is trying to ruin my Mayan calendar of the End?

He has calculated that 7000 years to the day (according to him) from the Great Flood, the world...no the universe, will end is a firey blaze. Tomorrow, May 21st. Sorry, he is one year and 7 months off in his calculations.

I have linked to some articles describing divided families, people who have quit their jobs to drive the country saying good bye to loved ones. One guy standing at the US - Mexico border handing out leaflets (what the hell is a tract??) and unable to consider the answer to the question of, "What will you do when Sunday morning arrives?"

Here is the Wrong Reverand Camping telling you himself...

 


Links for your enjoyment:

Parents and Kids Disagree

A Billion Years Too Soon

Zombie Apocalypse


And because the End won't be fun enough...here is a game that will keep you entertained until Sunday:
Choose your own Apocalypse

For you serious religious types I know this piece will calm you down a bit with some good ol' fashioned theo-logic.




Sure hope I get to play the Monday Minute next week!

Today's Apocalypse Sign: Are You My Daddy??

Can somebody tell me why supreme stupidity and "having it all" always seems to go hand in hand? You have Maria Shriver who has always been a stunning women of power, millions many times over from blockbuster movies, a term as Governor of one of the most influential states in the nation, family of four kids... and that's not enough. You have to (and apparently to me it would require an "at gunpoint" scenario) dip your pen in the housekeeper's ink well. Really? The Sperminator??

I cannot imagine what the attraction was to this women (other than the obvious pearl necklace opportunity). Then to top it all off, not using a condom without due regard to the potential "look" of any unplanned offspring.  I have not seen any pictures of the 13 year old love child but the visual in my head is somewhere north of Eric Stoltz in the movie Mask. Disturbing and cruel I call it.

Does no one think that for the last 13 years this kid was getting more and more of the Aaahnold look? The paparazzi must be in a feeding frenzy to get the million dollar lotto win that will be the first pictures of this kid as he is today. Apparently Arnold had the family put up in a $280,000 house just miles from where he lived and dumped tons of cash on the kid.

And I thought I didn't understand Brad leaving Jen for Angelina.

Okay are you ready for the baby result from these two? Here ya go!

Meet Pepe....

Brought to you by MakeMeBabies

Just imagine him being 13 years old now!

If you would like to date her now, here are the vitals...

Mildred Patty Baena - 50

Today's Apocalypse Sign: Father And Daughter Day At Petco

Cornelia getting some groomer lovin' (notice the giant bowl of dog treats she's eying)

With a half-day off today and my wife having to work non-stop this week, I had to use my time wisely. So here was the quick plan to make an afternoon of it.

First: Take a nap. What else can you do at 12:45PM?

Second: Go to Supercuts and get super cut! Actually got an American citizen who spoke English and assuaged my usual Supercut fear of getting a bowl cut no matter what I tell them. She was perky and earned her two dollar tip! Bonus: No waiting...first time ever!

Third: Grab the baby Cornelia and hightail it to Petco for her canned food AND a trip to the groomer for nail trimming. While at Petco she got to walk around the store like a big dog...sniffing all the cat cages, wanting to get in with the ferrets (they wanted no part of that!) and generally creating the oohs and aahs that beautiful Bostons tend to create when they are about town. She even made friends with a rescue (her size) and a giant dog (5 times her size). The store was empty when we got there and bustling with activity when we left. She enjoyed her time with daddy today at the doggie mall.

Fourth: After the Petco trip we drove over to a nearby lake and just slowly drove the shore line. Sizing up a spot for next weeks day out. Bonus: we also found a section at the end of the lake cordoned off as a dog park...with benches, and things to climb on...we may go there next week. But only one dog and Mama is coming too!

Today's Apocalypse Sign: No Sunday Is Complete....

Without the weekend graphs!

Since I have been torturing myself for 2 days trying to remember the post that Blogger deleted (bastards!), I needed the respite provided by touring through the enchanted forest of graphs. And I found these just for you!

Enjoy!


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Today's Apocalypse Sign: Could This Be Any More Irresponsible??

Yesterday the first In-N-Out burger place opened up here in North Texas. Allen, TX and Frisco,TX to be precise. Some people waited in line in their cars for up to 2 1/2 hours to get through the drive through. Gas is almost $4 a gallon. Anybody else see this as STUPID?

Don't bitch about gas prices when you are willing to do this for a hamburger.




There is one planned for Garland (where I live) at the Firewheel shopping mall. It will be a big hit but you can bet I won't be sitting in line for any length of time for a hamburger. Since I don't know what I'm missing (someone is going to tell me that, just watch) I think I'll just wait the first wave of insanity out.

And here is a shot I took today of the firewheel flower...it is where many of the places with that name in Garland got their inspiration.

Today's Apocalypse Sign: IS THis Really Setting A Good Example??

For the last week or so NBC has been showing the flood ravaged sections of our country. Particularly along the Mississippi river. These people that live there have truly been through a watery hell.

What I have to ask is this...why the hell do Al Roker and other news personalities think it's a good idea to throw on a pair of waders and get chest deep in river water? I was watching earlier this week on the Today Show and Roker was in up over his hips and the water behind him was moving like an F-1 race car at the speedway!

Don't the authorities tell people to stay OUT of the flood water so they don't get swept away?? Does this mean Al is anchored to the bottom in some fashion?

I personally think it is setting a really bad example to people watching the news. Or kids.

I tried to find a video on youtube and couldn't but I did get this broadcast from the Today Show with Al in the water:

Click here 

You can see the piece of wood behind Al just flowing down the stream A couple other shots show how fast the water is moving but nobody in the water. I really wish I could have found the Peter Alexander one where he is up to his chest in the water.

Come guys, people do enough stupid stuff without you putting ideas in their head.

This has been a public service announcement for those fond of saying, "Hey Bill, ya wanna try that?"

Don't do it.

Today's Apocalypse Sign: Apparently The World Has Gone To The Dogs!

Same friend sent me this one and I had NOT heard it before. Still laughing!

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they struck
up a conversation.

The Black Labrador turned to the yellow Labrador and said, "So why are you here?"
The yellow Lab replied, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything.....the
sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night
when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."
The black Lab said, "So what's the vet going to do?"
"Gonna cut my nuts off" came the reply from the yellow Lab.
"They reckon it'll calm me down."

The Yellow Lab then turned to the Black Lab and asked, "Why are you here?"
The Black Lab said, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and
trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the
carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my
owners' couch."
"So what are they going to do to you?" the Yellow Lab inquired.
"Looks like I'm losing my nuts too," the dejected Black Lab said.

The Black Lab then turned to the Great Dane and asked, "Why are you here?
"I'm a humper", said the Great Dane. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the
cat, a pillow, the table, fence posts, whatever. I want to hump everything I see."
Yesterday my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to
dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and
started hammering away."

The Black and the Yellow Labs exchanged a sad glance and said,
"So, it's nuts off for you too, huh?"

The Great Dane said, "No, apparently I'm here to get my nails clipped."

Today's Apocalypse Sign: The Monday Minute

Dang, I've been away from this for a while and everything goes to hell in hand basket. So here we go...


1 - Since so many of you were so willing to wrestle naked with another member of the same sex for a million dollars, let's say we double it to $2,000,000 and put it on PPV for all to see. Still willing?
Are you kidding me!! For $2million this would be no problem, hell,  I'll even do it in mud!

2 - You just found a $100 bill on the ground while walking around your neighborhood. What's your first thought to do with the money? Take it home, give it to my wife and saying lovingly, "Honey since I love you sooo much today, here's a hundred bucks to spend on anything you want." Oh, major points scored!


3 - Mother's Day is coming up has since come and gone. Name one thing you learned from your Mother that you'd like to share.  How to raise 4 kids (mostly alone) and not kill at least two of them.

4 - We all know that Nickelback, Kiss, Creed, Rush, the Foo Fighers and Axl Rose suck ass, name another band that should be added onto this famed list. Okay, I am taking offense to this assumption. I do not think any of these bands suck, let alone suck ass. So you can Rush to Kiss my Axl Rose. Foo Fighters and Nickleback just rock! Go ahead and say otherwise one more time. And I even like the Punch Brothers, so suck it bitches! With that said Janes Addiction is the biggest waste of space in a recording studio...or stage. Totally unlistenable. Period.
 

5 - Have you ever had a zit on your ass?
Since I'm still wound up about the last question why don't you go ahead and check for me!

Yeah, it was a rough day at work...can ya tell?

Today's Apocalypse Sign: Things Men Must Know

God bless friends who email you funny things that make you laugh even if you have heard them before...this is one that never loses its humor.


Distinction between Guts and Balls

To those of you who are nit-pickers about the meaning of words: there is a
medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We've all heard about people
having Guts or Balls, but do you really know the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:

GUTS - is arriving home late, after a night out with the guys, being met
by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask, 'Are you still cleaning, or
are you flying somewhere?'

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of
perfume and beer, with lipstick on your collar, and slapping your wife on the butt
and having the Balls to say, 'You're next, Chubby.'

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome.

Both result in death.

Today's Apolcaypse Sign: The "Week After A-Z" Graphs

More hilarity to end or begin your week. I never really know which it is for any given week. Anyway, enjoy these babies in the privacy of your own home.

Happy Mother's Day!



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Today's Apocalypse Sign: A Casual Day And Few Photos

With a little more than 30 days before I leave on my Fiji trip, I have spent some evening time trying out my new Nikon on sunsets. I even, quite by accident, discovered a unique look to a sunset (by forgetting to remove the FL-D filter before I went out) and wanted to share it.

So today after a long A-Z Challenge and a news week dominated by one topic, here are 8000 words for you to enjoy. Of course clicking to enlarge is mandatory!

Shot on 4/27/11

The Guardians

Alien

 

Storms A Brewin'




Shot on 5/4/11

FL-D #1

FL-D #2

No Filter

FL-D #3

PS. Blogger may be the biggest pain in the ass to work with when it comes to photo insertion and movement.

Today's Apocalypse Sign: Yeah, It's A Good Thing

Ding Dong The Bin is Dead

Here is another, "where were you when you heard the news" moment in history. There are precious few of these in a lifetime so it pays to remember them.

The Kennedy Assassination: I was in my first grade classroom and they let the whole school out for the rest of the day. As a seven year old kid I was kind of scared. I lived directly across the street from the school and ran home to find my mother crying in front of the TV and they showed the news feed. It is a burned in vision I can see clearly just by closing my eyes.

The Moon Landing: I was a 13-year old at summer camp. It was hot that July day. My dad was the camp director. I remember being in a crowded room with a grainy B&W television showing the first steps on the moon. It was the most surreal thing I remember seeing.

The Disco craze: didn't partake.

The Space Shuttle Challenger: I was at work in Baytown , TX and we had a small rental TV on the counter and me and one other guy there were watching the whole thing LIVE. It was unbelievably tragic. Seemed like the images and replays never ended.

9/11/01: I was getting ready for work and walked into the room where my wife was had the Today show on. I missed the first plane hitting the trade center. The whole event seemed unreal at the time...then in the background behind Katie and Matt, the second plane hit the other tower. Then shit got real bad. I think everyone at that moment sensed that we were being attacked in a new and frightful way. Then the plane hit the Pentagon. I had the TV on at work the entire day. As we all know how that day ended.

Osama Bin Laden Dead: I was watching a recorded CSI New York from last Friday which ended a little after 10PM. Once I stopped and deleted the show I was back to live TV and breaking news on CBS talking about this event. I watched until 11PM, saw the president speak, the analysts analyze, the partying in front GW's house here in Dallas, and then felt really good.

This blog will serve as my way to remember this moment. As yesterday carried this story through the simulated attack graphics, the burial at sea (as a diver this offended my wife until I explained how it was a smart move), and the inevitable conspiracy "he's not really dead" theorists. There was a news clip here in Texas showing the father of the first soldier killed in Afghanistan. He said he wished he could have pulled the trigger himself and "would have given his soul to have done so".

I am glad Osama is dead, you bet. I do not believe this to be barbaric or inhuman as a feeling. I feel sad when a wild animal has to be put down for being nothing more than the instinctual creature he is. Bin Laden was human and acted inhuman. He encouraged, no, inspired, others to join in committing inhuman acts. We put people to death in prisons for far less atrocities then he committed. He was a bad seed and bastardized a religion to achieve the necessary impetus for his acts. Although I don't the like the idea of  an "Obama Got Osama" bumper sticker for 2012.

I hope they find much information on the items the US confiscated after the raid. I hope it leads to more elimination of these terrorists. Some say we are no better than them...rejoicing and chanting after killing an enemy. I say fight fire with fire. It is the only thing these misguided bands of thugs understand. They kill hundreds or thousands indiscriminately...when we do happen to kill one or a few of them it is the last resort. I for one thank the US military and CIA operatives who pulled off this latest coup. I am glad Osama Bin Laden is dead. God can judge how he feels about that down the road...I believe He is smiling.

Bye Bye Bin laden, wave to the nice sniper.

Did I miss any other "where were you moments"? If so I must not have been there. Let me know!

Today's Apocalypse Sign: Reflections Of The A-Z Challenge

This will be the last post for this A-Z Challenge 2011. Almost sad to see it go. You will notice the nice award from elizabethmueller.blogspot.com, which I appreciate very much. It was a good time and I still have so many blogs to get through before I am truly done.

To get the raw numbers out of the way first and quickly:

March 31st (End of day)
57 followers
5238 page views


April 1st (End of day) 
79 followers
5412 page views
This is due largely in part to Alex mentioning my blog on this first day. He speaks... people listen. Curiously out of 186 page views I only impressed 20 people enough to follow. Not complaining, just a curious note.


April 30th (End of day)
99 followers
6174 page views

**follower number 100 happened 5/1/11, he shall however remain N4M3L3SS

The A-Z challenge was exciting in several aspects.

I was determined to post each letter on the correct day and not get behind so the pressure was on. I had to focus daily because I did not have a theme or thread of any kind and I did not "can" a weeks worth of posts in advance. The whole month unveiled like a painting but without a specific completed picture as its goal. Each day was a piece that completed the whole bit by bit. I started several draft posts as words or thoughts came to me and worked on several "layers of the onion" simultaneously, adding daily thoughts to which ever one needed it. I am going to add a page to my blog with just the links for the A-Z challenge 2011, then 2012 and so on.

Another exciting part of the challenge was the checking each day to see the new faces of commenters and reading their take on the day's post. As I tracked the follower and page counts each day I could see the relationship between page views, followers, and the number of comments. It appears that many times there were a decent number of page views but surprisingly few comments. Whether this means that the post was not provocative enough to comment on or that the viewers simply had too many blogs to read (and still did not take the time to comment) I don't know. I would be impressed to know if anyone managed to read all 1282 blogs that signed up for the challenge. I do appreciate the additional followers, viewers, and commenters that stopped by.

Without a doubt the most fun was discovering new blogs to read. I'll admit I tried to get to 20 new ones a day but with the craziness that is my daily life I was lucky to get my post done, read previous day's comments, read the regular blogs I follow (and I even missed commenting on some of those, sorry), read the new blogs I had picked up from commenters, there were several days I didn't get to any new blogs! But I made a decision I would check out all the sites from each person who signed up for the challenge. It may not be quick but I'll get there.

I enjoyed seeing all the blogs dedicated to writing (the majority) and photography (the impressive). If I had that magical lifetime do-over, those are two career paths that I would have enjoyed. I am now a dabbler at both but still derive enjoyment from the keyboard and the camera.  Since the Mayan calendar in the upper right sidebar is at less than 600 days, might all be moot anyway, right? As long as I get to read Alex's sequel before then I will be satisfied.

I thought the month went fast. On March 31st I thought April would drag on, not the case. The Challenge made work go faster, knowing I had more work to do once I got home. But it was exciting work. Every day a mini-Christmas of sorts. I am proud to say I completed this endeavor.

Now this post has gone on long enough. It could go on longer, as people who know me could attest, but I know you have other summaries to read. I want to thank Alex and Arlee for a sensational turn-out for an idea conceived but a year ago. If all things that needed that fast of action and commitment in the world today had you guys behind them, life would be sweet...at least for the next 598 days!

Best wishes to all who consumed this month of April like a fine wine, and I'll being seeing each and every one of you either again or for the first time over the next few months.  

Take care.