Today's Apocalypse Sign: Ivy League Suicide

The shocking stories of things that happen on college campuses these days are many and diverse. Topping the list is the incidence of suicide at many universities. None more so than the tragic year Cornell University of the Ivy League is having.

So far six students have jumped/fallen to their death from the 90-foot high suspension bridge that serves as a entrance from town to the campus. It is a bridge that I would have an apprehension of crossing on a good day. Me and heights are not friends in any sense of the word.

Samuell Cornell back in the late 1800's decided the best place to build a prestigious university that bares his name was right between two gorges. And you gotta be pretty damn deep to call yourself a gorge.

They even have a nickname for the suicides here... "gorging out". Macabe to say the least.

Even back in the early years of this university and through the 40's, 50's, 60's and heavily in the 90's suicides were happening here. What was it about this university that triggered the big bungee jump of life without the bungee?  Was it just the lure of the bridge like a Siren song?

And what about jumping to your death as a suicide in general? It is a precarious thing to do. If you are not up high enough there is a chance you may not die and end up living like Stephen Hawking for the rest of your now incredibily worse off life. Too high you could get sucked into a jet engine (probably not, unless you pick a really bad place to jump from) but more importantly you have all that time from fatal step until terminal velocity impact to think about whether this is really what you wanted to do. No take backs. No do overs.

Stephen Hawking

But what would make a college student (and at Cornell a fairly smart one) decide on this course of action?

1. Was pressured all through high school to get into the Ivy League but maybe that was not your idea of fun.

2. Once you got to Cornell you found out there were really some smart fuckers here and you weren't one of them (see #1 above).

3. Date after date seems to end really badly and instead of calling Hitch you decide life is not worth living.

4. Oooooh, there's something shiny down there!

5. I learned about updrafts in Physics...here, I'll show you.

6. Sorry, looks like it's Animal House for you Stevie!

7. If my parents find out I'm failing every class they'll kill me anyway (tuition, bye bye)

I'll stop at 7 so this doesn't turn into some macabe/gallows humor Top Ten.

This is a serious issue for a University that has picked up the nickname of Suicide U. Below is video and an excerpt from a CNN site:




The national average for school suicides is 7.29 per year for every 100,000 students, said Paula Clayton, medical director of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. That means Cornell, with 19,639 students, should average fewer than two suicides a year.

Cornell had no suicides from 2005 to 2008, according to Marchell. And the school has consistently fallen within or below the national average, said Karen Carr, assistant dean of students at Cornell.

The school has been praised by psychologists such as Keith Anderson, chairman of the American College Health Association's Mental Health Best Practices Task Force, for counseling and prevention programs that confront the issue of student suicide with comprehensive training and understanding.

Cornell responded to a cluster of suicides in the late 1990s with comprehensive training for members of the university community.

By Ross Levitt and Susan Candiotti, CNN
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I for one cannot imagine what it would take to make someone walk over to the railing of a bridge and jump off. I also cannot imagine why they do not have the same kind of covering over these bridges by now that you see on walk-ways over freeway so whackos can't throw a cinder block through your windshield. I get the aesthetics angle and all that but really, if this suicide epidemic is a decison of opportunity, simply remove the opportunity.

Just one more justification for always carrying a parachute!

With that said:

ALERT ALERT ALERT

STM Update

9761 Followers (closing in on the big ten grand)
4,530,231 Unique Vistors (this is an increase of 103,000 from yesterday)

What a gig...one short little post and I mean short and BAM...100,000 tune in to read. Crazy!

Stay thirsty my friends...

Today's Apocalyptic Sign: March Madness Savant

I am not sure how many of you will be interested in this post because if you are not up for the March Madness then you'll have to suffer. In all fairness I don't watch the season games in college basketball but I do watch the March tournament. This year has been a doozy and these kids play their hearts out just to go to school. Anway here we go.

I just spent an exciting afternoon and evening getting blurry-eyed watching this year's NCAA Sweet Sixteen round. I am a little pissed that Ohio State is already out but today's games were pretty good. Kentucky just got their ass handed to them so another No 1 seed is shot down in flames. West Virginia made nothing but 3-point shots in the first half on their way to downing the Wildcats of Kentucky. Kind of a minor upset.

Butler upended Kansas St so a 5-seed is in the final four for the first time in forever.

{Look at me being all sports reportery and all!}

My post about the title above is several days late but it still worth a mention.

There was an austistic teenager who supposedly picked all 48 games of the first two rounds of this tournament correctly. His complete bracket can be seen here.

They claim the odds of anyone being able to do this is 1 in more than 13,000,000.

What???

This kid picked his bracket and his brother helped him enter his picks in an on-line bracket manager offered at CBS Sports. He did not even enter a bracket where he could make money for picking rounds correctly. After the first two rounds he had to show his brother his sheet with the 48 winners. His brother was stunned and after reveiwing it several times told his mother they need to alert the media.

Then I read some of the comments to the story and of course the skeptics are out in full force. They claim that any bracket manager of these certain CBS braket manager sites can go in and change anything after the games and make a bracket look perfect. What a buzzkill.

This kid claims to have spent the season watching the teams and listening to announcers and memorizing stats. He filled out his bracket. He did the impossible. As with most things in this world today the naysayers come out in a hurry when the impossible happens.

I have to ask, why would this family subject themselves and their autistic son (although he is by no means severely austistic) to derision and ridicule of national proportion...for a basketball bracket with no monetary gain? I suppose there are people out there that would do this but the family does not strike one as being "that way".

These are not balloon boy parents or whacked out nutjobs like that. They do not appear to be looking for their 15 minutes of fame by way of exploiting their son using the NCAA tourney as the vehicle. A search for the term "autistic picks perfect ncaa" yields almost 92,000 results.

I say so what, if its real let him enjoy it, if not so what! They didn't scam anybody, they got no dinero for it. And personally, I want to believe that someone, anyone could do this. It is (would be) an amazing feat and helps you believe in miracles. Or it is truly another sign of the apocalypse. Judge for yourself.

I am not sure I know who I am going to root for in the finals...maybe I WILL give Alex a call!

Peace

Today's Apocalyptic Sign: The Last Thousand Days

Just a quick post to commemorate the Mayan Calendar on the right hand side of this blog, sitting at 1000 days to the end of the world.

The four horsemen of the apocalypse are saddling up their steeds and counting the days!

How sad it will be for the STM...ha ha ha

Current stats:
9694 Followers (damn you, Today Show)
4,427,886 Unique Visitors (additional damnation)

In the interest of keeping the yin/yang of the world in balance I have also put the Buddah thought of the day below the Mayan calendar. I thought this quite clever of me.

And for the rest of you monkey lovers:

This would be the funny kind of Apocalypse!

I am sure this post made your eyes bleed (I see red people)...it did mine while I was typing it.

Til tomorrow, thanks for tuning in.

PS. Pat I will be fulfilling the rest of my blogger award requirements this weekend...

Today's Apocalypse Sign(s): Monkeys, Viagra, and Obama (Not All Together)

MONKEYS

Yesterday I found myself wondering the way I always do (when you're riding 16 hours and there's nothing much to do...what??? Bob Seger???) and then I hear outta the corner of my ear "Mystery Monkey of Tampa Bay has his own Facebook page". I stopped, rewound live TV (how did we ever live without being able to do THAT!), and watched as they showed a picture of the Facebook page for the Mystery Monkey of Tampa Bay. Go and give it a read. This monkey has over 47,539 fans. It was like all my monkey dreams coming true at once and also extremely unsettling.

I must confess, almost anything and everthing to do with monkeys makes me laugh. Except for the snuff film I saw once that showed people popping the cap off a monkey skull and eating the brains with little tiny spoons. That was just creepy. But everything else involving monkeys I find hilarious.

We even call our Boston Terrier, Caesar, our "little monkey":

Kinda looks a little monkey-like right?

We even have a stuffed monkey (toy not real) that we take on vacation sort of like the roaming gnome commercials.

But the Mystery Monkey of Tampa Bay is the greatest thing yet! They claim the Rhesus Macaque monkey that is running loose in the Tampa Bay/St Petersberg area of Florida may be a decendent to the monkey used in the original Tarzan movie!

Here is the meat of this story: this Mystery Monkey of Tampa Bay (I just like writing and saying that!) has evaded authorities for over 2 years!!

They tranquilized it once but it threw its own shit at the guy that shot him and then climbed to the top of the tree to sleep it off. When the drug wore off, he made like Tarzan and got the hell outta there! He now is like a freakin' Monkey Robin Hood, stealing fruit and partying in people's backyards when they aren't home.

Now my question has to be, how are we to believe the authorities can catch terrorists in this country if they cannot even catch a lone primate? They have sent law enforcement, animal control, private bounty hunters (how weird is that)...nothing doing. They know roughly where he is, it is the same 50 square mile area since he was first spotted. They even have said it is quite possibly a previous pet monkey due to the fact that it has been seen looking both ways before crossing the street! WTF!!!

This monkey is making a fool of the authorities. I mean two years?? A blind squirrel finds an acorn more often than that. Maybe we should send a blind squirrel...naaah, nevermind.
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VIAGRA

Here is a reprint of an article from redstate.com
Democrats in the Senate say they are so committed to passing the House’s version of health care
reconciliation fixes verbatim, that they are willing to vote against even the most alluring and unobjectionable of amendments — from legislation banning Viagra for sex offenders to language adding the long-elusive public option.


In what is the final act of the health care reform saga, the Senate on Tuesday began debating reconciliation fixes that the House of Representatives passed two days prior. The process includes a period of what could be unlimited amendments, during which it is widely expected that Republicans will try their best to get the legislation changed.


The idea is that by securing even a slight adjustment in the language, the Senate will have to send the bill back to the House of Representatives for reconsideration. Drawing out the process makes it more likely for it to be tripped up.


On Tuesday, the GOP put its strategy into action, with Sen. Tom Coburn (R-Okl.) introducing an amendment beyond agreeable. Titled “No Erectile Dysfunction Drugs To Sex Offenders” it would literally prohibit convicted child molesters, rapists, and sex offenders from getting erectile dysfunction medication from their health care providers.


While it will undoubtedly be difficult for Democrats to vote against the measure (one can conjure up the campaign ads already), the party plans to do just that.


“Democrats in the Senate are very unified that this is not going back to the House,” Sen. Wyden (D-Ore.) told the Huffington Post on Tuesday, minutes before the Coburn amendment was introduced.


The coming votes in the Senate on the GOP’s many amendments, including the attempt to ban the provision of viagra to sex offenders, are sure to provide some entertaining political theater and perhaps form the basis for a campaign ad or two against Senate Democrats who are up for reelection in 2010.

In a related monkey story:

                     See No Evil          Hear No Evil     Speak No Evil

What I want to know about this is why was it ever okay to give sex offenders Viagra?? Do a Google search for "sex offenders banned from viagra" and you will get 74,000 hits that will for sure make you see this as the most recent sign of the apocalypse. I have no more words for this stupidity.
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OBAMA

                          

Oh God please make me stop laughing! When I saw this commercial on TV for the first time I thought Holy Shit! Al Sharpton was going to have another 15 minutes of fame. I am sure this was not endorsed by the NAACP or the Muslim community. I knew it was early in the day but I felt kind of dislocated like I was watching a SNL skit. This is the real shit though.

Here is an article from the Chicago Sun Times addressing the decision by Walgreens to pull this product from their shelves:

Walgreens has pulled a Barack Obama version of the Chia Pet from its stores, and the decision leaves about 200,000 of the pottery plant kits in a West Side Chicago warehouse.


The Deerfield-headquartered drugstore chain made the move Friday after getting a few complaints about the item since the product's April 1 launch, a spokeswoman said.


Walgreens has pulled a Barack Obama version of the Chia Pet from its stores after receiving several complaints.






Chia founder Joseph Pedott -- a Chicago native whose San Francisco-based Joseph Enterprises provides local jobs for the disabled -- said he was inspired to create the Obama head as a show of patriotism.


Pedott, a middle-aged white man, was nervously surveying black women about the product at the Home and Housewares Show in Chicago just two days before the two versions -- a "determined" Obama and a smiling Obama -- hit the stores.


The $19.99 Chia Obama, which sprouts foliage in the space where hair would be, is still available at chiaobama.com, but Pedott said he's trying to find another large brick-and-mortar retailer to sell the item.


The product is the second Chia offering to be based on a person; the company produced a promotional item for Mr. T.


Cheryl V. Jackson

This was funny before the last sentence...Mr T made it hilarious! Who could be next to take their place in chia pet history next to Obama Chia and Mr. T Chia.

I would really like to know the results of those product surveys. Also you can apparently pick up one of the 200,000 leftovers cheap, as a stocking stuffer for next Christmas.

Maybe these three topics weren't as non-related as I first thought.

Oh well, monkeys still make me laugh!

PS. Thanks again Pat for the award!

Today's Apocalypse Sign: I Am At A Loss For Words

First and foremost I must sent a blog-felt thanks to Pat Tillett for awarding me the Beautiful Blogger Award you see gracing the side panel left. Unless you enjoy blogging in a vacuum, everyone would appreciate a few followers and Pat was my first and I appreciate him reading, commenting, and helping me get my new blog "out there". Thanks Pat, you already know I'm hooked on your blog.

I have had the super busy work week going on this week and have not stayed current on my posting, for that I apologize. Tomorrow a guaranteed Three For Thursday 3-in-1 post.

{Sneak peek: Monkeys, Viagra, and Obama}

Not to be missed.

I also have to figure out how to live up to the rest of the Award rules.

Thanks again Pat!

Today's Apolcalyse Sign: Global Warming...What??

Here is a look at what I woke to this morning in Dallas, TX. Two days ago it was 75 degrees. Global warming ain't hit here yet. (Make sure you have your speakers on.) Enjoy!




I want to put my cold weather clothes away for a while. The dog however loves the snow, especially since he found out he could eat it. At least this gave me an excuse to lounge around the house and watch college hoops all day.

This has to be the last of it for the year...

Spring has not yet sprung.

Today's Apocalyptic Sign: The Hand Of God (and a Priest's) Is Upon You

I tried to find a font that would be reverent enough for this post. I do not want God associating me with this subject matter in case rapture happens while I am asleep tonight. No accidental damnation for me...I will earn it on my own merits.

This subject is not new...hell the Catholic church being involved in it is not new. What IS new is that the church is now seemingly willing to enter the realm of full disclosure...at least that is what they say.

I am not a Catholic, or a particularly religious person. I was raised going to church on Sunday's and learned right from wrong from a strong family environment. I grew up knowing plenty of Catholics as my friends and classmates. I made no judgements on one religion being better or worse than the next. I guess you could say I was an equal opportunity religion friend.

I say that to hopefully not offend anyone who is a practicing Catholic by anything I may say in this post.

However...WTF is wrong with the Catholic church??

The church, any church, is supposed to be fundamentally on the side of right (not wrong) and good (not evil)...right? At least this is what I was taught in Sunday school oh those many years ago.

While the Catholic church (one of the largest religions in the world) has some differing views on sexual conduct of priests (mainly they must be male and they must be celibate), I would think that covering up this pedophillic abuse could not rank them high in God's eyes. If God has his own TopTen of religions, I have to think that the Branch Davidians and the wackos waiting for aliens to take them to heaven in a spaceship have just moved up a notch or two.

I was perusing the Catholic American website and grabbed some copy that is stunning to me:

The Los Angeles Archdiocese July 15 announced the largest church settlement of sexual abuse lawsuits to date, agreeing to pay more than 500 alleged victims a total of $660 million.

Last December, the archdiocese announced the settlement of 45 lawsuits for $60 million.

Under the latest agreement, the archdiocese will pay $250 million and the balance will come from a combination of payments from insurance carriers and religious orders whose members have been accused in the abuse cases.

According to a tally prepared by the Los Angeles Times, the previous largest settlement of abuse cases in the United States since 2002 was the $157 million the Boston Archdiocese agreed to pay to 983 claimants in several different settlement agreements. The Archdiocese of Portland, Ore., agreed to pay $129 million to 315 claimants; the Diocese of Orange, Calif., agreed to pay $100 million to 90 claimants, and the Diocese of Covington, Ky., settled with 350 claimants for $85 million.

Cardinal Mahony said the new settlement and the one for $60 million announced in November "will have very serious and painful consequences for the archdiocese." He said the archdiocese will re-evaluate all ministries and services, "since we will not be able to offer them at the same levels as in the past."
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For those of you scoring at home that totals 2283 victims of priest abuse that cost the church $1.441 BILLION!!! There are certainly more victims that have never come forward or have passed away or are locked up in prison...maybe even in mental hospitals.

Which of Dante's levels of Hell do you think is reserved for these so called "men of God"?

Do you think it could be the inner Ring of the 7th Circle (Violence):

Inner ring: Here the violent against God (blasphemers) and the violent against nature (sodomites and, as explained in the sixth circle, usurers) all reside in a desert of flaming sand with fiery flakes raining from the sky. The blasphemers lie on the sand, the usurers sit, and the sodomites wander about in groups.

Or perhaps it is as it should be, the very center of Hell itself:

In the very centre of Hell, condemned for committing the ultimate sin (personal treachery against God), is Satan (Lucifer). Satan is described as a giant, terrifying beast with three faces, one red, one black, and one a pale yellow:

I personally like the "personal treachery against God" part of the last one. Maybe shared time between several levels might be an answer. Don't want them to get too comfortable in any one pain.

When did becoming a priest turn into a breeding ground for child abusers? What other industry (oh yes, religion is an industry) fosters so many abusers under the guise of some righteous cause? None that I can think of.

Then the church for years and years was able to sweep this "problem" under the rug. Several priests were just simply relocated...and of course, they started their abuse all over again. Some were sent to counseling (presumably by other priests). This is a clear case of the fox guarding the hen house. And then they were sent to new parishes where of course, they started their abuse all over again.

Now even the pope is calling for the police to be contacted when there is evidence of claimed sexual abuse. Shouldn't the police have been involved all along? What other industry is allowed to circumvent the legal system and solve their criminal sexual child abuse problems in house? The Mafia maybe, but not any legitimate organization.

These priests should be prosecuted under the law and sentenced to what ever time is legally mandated...preferrably with a cellmate named Bubba or Big Tank. This would certainly get them praying fervently again.

These were criminal activities and should have always been handled that way. For any other approach to be allowed was a signal to every child molester to become a priest and enter the endless buffet of children. In case you think that sounds too crude, do you really believe all these priests developed this affinity for children after becoming priests? And if so why does that happen?

I say the church should lighten up on the celibacy thing. By letting priests get married, date and have real sex, they could have saved themselves $1 billion...and given it to a good cause like earthquake victims in Haiti, Chile, and Turkey.

May whatever God you pray to be with you...

Amen

**This should conclude my religious themed posts for a while, unless of course something comes along that just can't be ignored.

Today's Apocalypse Sign: Burnin' Down The House (of Worship)

Well you cannot get more Apocalyptical than church burnings.

East Texas has been the scene of numerous church arsons over the last few months. I live in Dallas so this is constantly in the news. There was no pattern or group claiming these fires in the name of Allah or any other reason. This was the work of two wacked young men who apparently had nothing better to do.

Mr I-Want-To-Look-Like-A-Toupee-Wearing-Fool all serious and goateed, is one of the lads arrested. You can tell by his eyes he has no soul. And by his hair he has no taste. This look has been done to death. What other occupation could this  guy have besides being a church arsonist?

This is the kind of guy that makes you move to the other side of the street when you are out walking. How his family must be proud. This lasting picture will be on the mantle for next Christmas and other family gatherings. They will ponder what went wrong with poor little Danny. Meanwhile he is charged with two church arsons and suspected in nine additional church fires.

Danny's buddy Jason (oh yes, they both went to church together before they burned churches together) is the other half of arson team. This Sean Penn wannabe looks like a follower. "Hey, ya wanna burn down a church tonight? Sure why not."

Would you let this guy babysit your kids? How about mow the grass? Would ya let him in your house?? No. No. and No. Sorry about the profiling but do either of these guys present themselves as upstanding citizens?

THEY BURNED 11 CHURCHES TO THE FUCKING GROUND!!!

They set one church on fire and before the firefighters could finish putting it completely out, set another church on fire 5 miles away. The town was pissed and could not believe the firefighters pulled out of the first fire before it was extinguished and took off across town. Then they found out it was to fight a second church fire set by these two numb-nuts.

Of course I have the required recommended punishment, in the spirit of an eye for an eye...bonfire broiling! Lash each one of these guys to a timber, back to back. Construct a large (very large) bonfire pyre underneath them. Lower the timber down on the support poles (much like a pig being cooked over a campfire, if you need a visual).

Now since they are not being cooked to eat, the need for slow roasting is not necessary. Therefore the use of accelerant is authorized. We still want to be humane and just cremate their asses fast, but, thorough.

Then we put their ashes in the foundation of a new church. I think God would approve. I know I do.

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STM Update

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This guy cannot be stopped!

Happy Trails!

Today's Apocalypse Sign: Health Care and Growing Old

To my two new and loyal followers, my mini-minions...I ask you to pass this post on to all you know. It is of dire thoughts. Thank you for being here.
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I remember my 50th birthday. My wife (11 years my junior, I didn't rob the cradle so shut up!) arranged a nice surprise party at a restaurant with all my friends and co-workers (probably 50 people in all...how ironic huh?). It was a great time and I didn't even get too drunk since I was playing golf the next morning early.

I was not really affected by this reportedly "huge" milestone in ones life because I still was like 30 years old mentally. No real big aches or pains. No forgetting where I had put my car keys. Just another birthday with cake and friends to help celebrate.

In June of this year that will have been 4 years ago. It seems like just last year. Blink of an eye fast it goes. I think it took 10 years to get from 18 to 21...now every week is like a trip on the bullet train...whooooosh and it's gone. It is now almost the end of March and it seems like New Year's day was just over.

Even today my mind is child-like, trapped in an aging shell. Not 12 year old child-like, well maybe some times, but flexible and quick while still open to learning new things and fascinated by some. I guess this is the stage in life where you are cresting that hill of "I wish I knew then what I know now" right before THAT bullet train ride to the bottom. You want to believe you are still that 30-year old with the 50-year old wisdom.

This is not a pity-me-I'm-getting-old post...this is the set up for the rude awakening that many people (and you never know when it might happen or to whom) suddenly find themselves facing...a life-altering health moment.

Do you know the cover of the AARP magazine boldly states it is the World's Largest Circulation Magazine? It is more than double the circulation of the next largest magazine. And not everyone joins AARP when they turn 50. Did you know the founder of this magazine was born in 1884?

Okay, enough AARP Trival Pursuit answers...this post is really about two things: 1)the boomers have a large say in what happens in this country, 2)health care, both the shit that Obama and the Dumbacrats are trying to sell us AND the kind you need when something like the video below strikes your life, is seriously fucked up.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

When did it become okay to basically let aging people go off into the wilderness like old wolves and die? What is the age where it is okay for the government to shove your dignity and pride into the nearest trash compactor? When do you become the "Forgotten"? What the fuck is wrong with the greatest country on earth when it comes to care for the aging?

Is this the unspoken plan to reduce the population? Just think how the carbon footprint could be reduced if they could get rid of the boomers at a faster rate. The challenge is a tough one since there are many more supplements, and exercise programs, and Cenegenics. These guys could snap-off Obama's head and shove it up his ass so fast (that's assuming it is not already there)...but I digress...

When you are old it is too late to help yourself and when you were younger you didn't care, because that was so far off...even in your mid-30's you thought that...I know I did. It must be an inborn denial mechanism.

The video above is a snippet of the article in the March/April 2010 AARP magazine entitled Love Is (Not) All You Need.

Reading this article is infuriating. Of course I am closer to this end of the spectrum than the all night beer bong partying end, but nevertheless, it is bordering on criminal what is in place for the aging.

Medicare and Medicaid are complete dinosaurs of government programs. Most of these criteria are ancient. They are similar to the government standard for "poor" as described in the article (not the Aerosmith song) Living On The Edge

When you have to divorce your spouse of 39 years to render him destitute in order to qualify for Medicaid coverage it is time to take to the streets with pitchforks and torches. These were the riot tools of the middle-ages and since the two Meds programs seem to be from that time, I think it only poetic justice that we attack the facade of this portion of our nation's HELLth care with those implements.

Disclaimer: for all the Big Brother spies out there...no I am NOT advocating anarchy (well maybe just a little bit but only on health care (today)). But check your ID you may be in this same group of aging boomers.

Seriously, we are the largest group of people who have a major say in how this country moves forward on this subject. Exercise every right and action you can. Organize something in your community. Write your congressman and senator. The bill they are trying to shove through for health care is NOT good for us.

Unless you want yourself or one of your loved ones to be the next to walk the lonely walk into the wilderness of lost dignity and pride that is our country's current plan for the aging, get on board and do something.

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.


Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.


Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.


Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieve it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.


Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.


And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.


~ Dylan Thomas from the oldpoetry.com website

And this applies to those of you who are where I was 25 years ago. Let your motto be: Party But Plan.
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Too Fucking Amazing!

Today's Apocalypse Sign: Milk A What???

Before I get started I want to give a shout out to my very first two followers: Pat Tillett and TS Hendrick. Thanks guys for getting me off the starting line. To all who read, please go give them a try.

Okay, you've seen them, you love them...I'm talking about the talking baby E-Trade commercials. This whole series is marketing genius and I seriously do not get tired of the majority of them.

Now outta the friggin' blue some over-paid under-worked bitch (hot though she may be) is trying to put a damper on MY little bit of commercial enjoyment.

Here is the commercial that started all this:




Seriously, I had not thought of Lindsay Lohan in a hundred days...and didn't when I saw this commercial. I laughed my ass off for the shear genius of this 30-second masterpiece!

I am now believing the tag line on this picture (and I hadn't thought of this angle either):

I believe this article says everything there is to say:

Quote published on the Marketing Pilgram website:

Have you heard of the Streisand effect?

Long story short, in 2003 Barbra Streisand sued a photographer for $50 million because he took photos of her home. She said the photographs invaded her privacy. Unfortunately for her, the rest of the world had no clue of the existence of these photographs until after she filed the lawsuit. Filing the lawsuit created a greater issue than if she had just kept quiet.

Enter Lindsay Lohan.

The almost popular, but now notsomuch, actress is suing E-Trade for, get this, $100 million for naming one of its TV babies “Lindsay.” Apparently, Miss Lohan believes that she has obtained “single name” status–like Madonna or Oprah–and that everyone that sees the milkaholic manboy-stealer will instantly think of her–and that will ruin her stellar reputation.

Says Lohan’s lawyer:

“They used the name Lindsay,” Ovadia said. “They’re using her name as a parody of her life. Why didn’t they use the name Susan? This is a subliminal message. Everybody’s talking about it and saying it’s Lindsay Lohan.” Ovadia wants an injunction to force the spot off the air, and the Lindsay camp wants every last copy of the commercial

Actually, no one was talking about Lindsay Lohan, until this lawsuit. Oh wait, maybe that’s the point. No one was talking about you, so file a $100M lawsuit and get everyone talking about you again!

Alternatively, why not actually make a movie that we think is good?

I could ramble on for a while longer but when I read THAT it was like I had written it or was inside the head of whoever did write it. It is succint and dead on point.

I think two things are sure to come of this:

1) She will not get a dime.

2) She will not get a movie deal.

Since when does being an almost has-been entitle one to file the ultimate frivolous lawsuit...oh wait, this is Hollywood we are talking about and of course all bets are off. The mockery that was made of this whole ordeal on the Today Show this morning was a waste of breath and airtime...and MY time...bitch!

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Shit this guy is a runaway blog train! He is closing in on 10,000 and two months ago only half that many. His unique vistors have more than doubled during that time. This is one result of being on the Today Show in a good way! Lindsay...are you hearing me??

Until next time...thanks for being here.

Todays Apocalypse Sign: Lincoln - Vampire Hunter

Watch out all you Twilight groupies...we have now taken a national hero, monument, and former POTUS and transformed him into a Vampire Hunter!

Apparently Abe was doing this without his wife's knowledge. But damnit! when Vampires are attacking the White house ya have to do somethng and Abe was a wood cutter from way back. He could wield an ax.

Watch this little lost video from the 1860's:





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I think HE is a vampira...

Til next time...keep your garlic fresh and wooden stakes sharp

Today's Apocalypse Sign: Oops I Did It Again

No not anything about Britney...it is our dumbass Dad Of The Year from Wednesday's post. Just re-read it and substitute "daughter" for "son" and you get the idea.

That's right...on his next shift he brought his daughter to work and the same ordeal went down...again. This now has moved to the realm of the incomprehensible. It is life size Russian Roulette! What's next...bringing the dog to work and having him bark commands to the pilots??

Is the thought process, 'hey, eveything was cool yesterday and everyone seemed to get a kick out of it so let's go back to the well one more time."?

I watched the news yesterday morning where two people were actually arguing the merits of this action. I of course back the side that states it's inexcusable behavior and not the side that says, basically, no harm no foul. I could not believe anyone was even attempting to defend this as no big deal. It is only because it did not create a "big deal" (aka: Crash, mid-air collision, or some other disaster) that someone could even say it was no big deal.

If somethng had happened this guy would swing from the yard-arm and no one would have thought his actions cute or amusing or no big deal.

This, my friends, is how complacency starts and then the Haters have to do something to shake us out of it. Something about not remembering the past makes you doomed to repeat it.

Dude, be a dumbass in your own house not out where you affect the world.

Today's Apocalypse Sign: Anybody Can Be An Air Traffic Controller

Article by Mara Gay printed on AOL:

(March 3) -- At New York's JFK airport, directing planes is mere child's play. At least, that's what some air traffic controllers must have been thinking when they allegedly allowed a child to give instructions to pilots from the control tower.

A Boston news station uncovered an audio clip of what is clearly a child's voice giving the all-clear to pilots as they take off and land commercial airplanes on some of the country's busiest runways.

"Jet Blue 171, cleared for takeoff!" the child can be heard telling one pilot.

The boy seems to have made at least five transmissions from the control tower. Adults can be heard on the tape as well, laughing with the under-aged air controller in their midst.

A pilot tells the youngster he's doing an "awesome job." From the air control tower, a male voice suggests a snow day may be to blame. "That's what you get, guys, when the kids are out of school," he says, sounding bemused.

The Federal Aviation Administration, which requires air traffic controllers to be licensed, is investigating and says it's not sure when the youngster was in the tower.

"Pending the outcome of our investigation, the employees involved in this incident are not controlling air traffic," the FAA said in a statement to the New York Daily News . "This behavior is not acceptable and does not demonstrate the kind of professionalism expected from all FAA employees."

The air traffic controllers union told the News that what happened in the tower "is not indicative of the highest professional standards that controllers set for themselves and exceed each and every day in the advancement of aviation safety."

Jim Baker, a retired Delta pilot, told Fox News Boston that "I have never ever heard a small kid in the tower giving instructions for an airplane to take off or cross a runway or any kind of instructions."

John Del Signore of The Gothamist blog wasn't laughing either. "That's almost as funny as the time the air traffic controller was joshing around about barbecuing a cat moments before that fatal plane/helicopter collision over the Hudson," he wrote Wednesday morning.
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Now for my two cents worth...

WOW! and oh yeah...WTF????????

How does anyone in the control tower think this is a good idea...in New York no less!! Ya know, the place where planes flew into buildings and landed in rivers...yes THAT New York!

This kids sounds like he is about 5 or 6 years old, tops. He got snowed out of school, why is he not home with his Mom? The Babysitter? Daycare? Something other than being at work with Dad endangering lives.

Does no one remember Murphy's Law any more? Never mind the fact the kid was at the control panel (which in and of itself is incomprehensible) but if anything had happened in the air or on the ground even a near miss, holy shit! We would be hearing about this for days and several people's lives would be altered forever.

Now the real sobering fact: no matter what, this Dad of the Year candidate did not act alone. Everyone in the tower was an accomplice, the pilots who encouraged the kid by joking with him are accomplices, supervisors who even ALLOWED the kid into the tower are accomplices...there may be more.

This was a group fuck-up. At one of the busiest airports in the country.

And lives were put in danger at a time in our existence where airline stuff is heightened security and tense all the time anyway. I know I am sounding like Jack Nicholson in "A Few Good Men" but seriously, it's the facts.

As cute as the kid sounds in the audio and the fact that nothing really happened and all the rationalizations seem to make sense the bottom line is: a kid was giving flight instructions to pilots flying plane loads of unsuspecting passengers. I'm sorry the disciplinary action on this one cannot come swift enough or hard enough.

This guy is going to have to explain to his kid for many years about how daddy fucked up and you can't have the nice birthday party, or the super cool Christmas present, or a pony. Daddy is an idiot, son.

On the other hand, the reverse of Murphy's Law (what ever the hell we can call it) will probably kick in and this dumbass will be as famous as "Sully" Sullenberger after his Hudson heroics.

Shit's weird that way.

Oh yeah...my seat back is forward and tray table stowed. I have also assumed the crash position...

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