Today's Apocalypse Sign: You Call It OCD, I Call It Organized

My wife and I have had a running battle over OCD vs Organization. It's quite funny and I am sure others out there have the same situation (if they married their opposite). I thought I would share a few tidbits.

I'll start by saying there a few things I must, absolutely must, know where they are at all times. My keys, my cell phone, my money clip (with DL, credit card, other card things, and of course money), my Burt's Bees lip balm, and my sunglasses. These are non-negotiable. No matter where I am, knowing their whereabouts is sacred. I prepare breakfast each morning exactly the same way in the same order. I am accused of being OCD...I say it is a well-honed routine.


My wife on the other hand has what I term a "put it down and walk away" view of life. Then the funniest thing of all, I'll hear, "Honey, have you seen my ______". At which point I immediately laugh my ass off. Then she expects me to stop whatever I am doing and go off Indiana Jones-style and search for the item with no map or compass or clue as to where it could be. She'll get mad when I search an area she has already searched right before she searches an area I just searched. Also it is always the last minute and it is something like her iPhone or car keys. And we are at defcon 5. Even the dogs leave the room.

"Where the F&^% could it be," she screams and I reply, "almost anywhere I imagine". Of course the humor is completely lost on her and I now I'm a "f&*^ing ass!"

Sometimes I head off the tragedy but spotting an item that is sure to be missed later (or very soon). An open Dr Pepper she was carrying a few minutes earlier, or a dinner fork. I will make a pre-emptive strike and pick up said item and take it to her before it can become "missing".

The latest game of "who the hell knows where it is" was played out when she decided to trim the dogs nails with the Dremel. I of course was busy with a blog post and really in a zone, when I hear, "Chuck, where the F*&# is the Dremel"? Since I don't immediately recall the last time I used the Dremel let alone the last time I saw it, I knew what was coming. I tried to beg out by saying, "I have no earthly idea, I wasn't the last one to use it". That bought me about 5 minutes.

Then she comes bursting into the room and says, "Will you please help me find it." Shit. "Where would you like me to look?", I say. "I don't know but just don't sit there, get up and help me find it", she glares.

I know what is coming next...since she has been looking for 15 minutes already I am sure to retrace her steps and start looking in the same places. This garners responses like,  "don't you think I already looked there." "I already looked in that room". etc. I am like a wounded animal bouncing from previously looked at logical places to the most impossible of locations (think toliet tank).

After ten minutes of tearing apart two or three rooms (including the disaster of a craft room) we still cannot find it. The next phase of this nightmare is someone must have come in to our home and taken it. I logically reply that is unlikely, very unlikely. To which I get, "Well then where the hell did it go!!" Got me! I have no answer.

She gives up and I go back to my keyboard. Twenty minutes later she comes in the room and tells me she found it and the dogs nails are done. I am sure I asked her where she found it but to this day I have absolutely no idea where that was. So....

I am sure we will do this dance the next time the dogs nails need trimmed.