Todays Apocalypse Sign: Need For A Parenthood Test

There are probably many reasons that would/could/should justify the need for a parenthood test. That is, the fitness of one or both people to actually be a parent. I am talking about for the safety of the child (or in Kate's case, ocho ninos).

We have all read and heard about horrific things that have happened to children. If we were talking about sea turtles we would call it natural selection, but we are talking about small humans with each one having the possiblity of becoming something great (curing cancer, solving any number of the worlds problems, etc.). After all, sea turtles can only be, ya know, a sea turtle. Too much of the time it is through the bold ignorance of adults that bad things happen to children.

Invariably in most major cities there is a news story once or twice a week about child tragedy of some kind. Unfortunate accidents, while sad, happen to young and old a like. Put whatever name to that you like (fate, coincidence, God's will), it is a part of life. The preventable tragedy is the worst.

In Big D we have had our fair share of stories centered around children and bizarre behavior by adults trusted to keep them safe. But two items from the recent news have almost led me to take up a crusade for "parent fitness testing" couples BEFORE they are allowed to have kids. Seriously. Sort of a "no pass - no play" rule for adults.

Both stories share the same basic scenario - children left in vehicles.

The first one I have to say I would consider another party guilty in the second degree. The lady was spending the day driving around checking out rent houses...and left her kids in the car while she checked out the house! Each time she met the owner who did nothing about the fact she was leaving the kids in the car.

She was at one house for 45 minutes and never came out to check on them and fortunately some good citizen called the police when they saw this. In this day and age when children are stolen right off the street in the blink of an eye, there is no excuse for making it easier for child predators...oh yeah, she had left the car unlocked. In regards to the parent test: Verdict (in the words of the great Soup Nazi) "No Children for you, go to jail one year!"

The second story clearly categorizes this guy as a Moron, with a capital M. This genius decided since he had the kids for the night and he couldn't leave them home alone (of course not!) he leaves them in his car while he goes into...a strip club.

Not some upscale, valet-parking strip club but one where not all the parking lot lights work, ya know what I mean? He is in the club for three hours!!! When the cops came and he got busted, he claimed he just stopped to make a phone call. Yeah, right and several lap dances later...

This guy clearly should have had his dick nailed to a tree when he turned 18. A friend of mine claims this to be the surest form of keeping dumbasses from procreating. In this case, I might have to agree.

Fortunately all turned out alright for the children. However I can't help but think that between now and the end of September, during the baking heat of a DFW summer, at least one child will die from being left in a car. It happens every year. The test would help prevent this tragedy.

So I say keep your eyes open for your chance to be a hero because this is a nationwide problem. We have to look out for those that can't help themselves. Those of you who are parents know this.

Today's Apocalyptic Sign: Creepy Children's Books

Well after the heavy commentary in the last couple of posts I believe it is time for another round of Who Thinks Up This Shit. Actually I guess it is the first round since I have never posted anything with that title.

Anyway, I stumbled upon (and I guess that is the reason someone started a site called StumbleUpon) as we all do many times a day, something quite interesting and yet extremely disturbing at the same time. Everything below came from oddee. Be warned, if you go to this site and have never been there before, prepare to lose several hours of your life (and distort some brain cells too). It is addicting and with over 5 million vistors a month that should be proof enough.

The list below are real childrens books you can buy on Amazon. Seriously. The first one, you need to go to Amazon and look at the back cover of the book.

We begin with:

What else!

One look at this book should tell you it will scar a kid for life. Show him the back cover and therapy will be in his future. Monkeys make me laugh, I have said that before. This just looks scary.
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Whoa...whoa...whoa! This is the first in a long line of children's books about poop. Everything about this should literally scare the crap outta any kid...wait, problem solved...I guess. And what is with the supportive dinosaur toilet paper holder?? Is the kid holding on to keep from falling in the toilet? Disturbing rating: a full 5 out of 5!

Live from the Big House!

How to spend time with Daddy doing time. Haven't the kids been traumatized enough? Does this teach kids what NOT to carry to a prison visit, no shank material, no saws, no cakes with saws, no smokes. I am sure this guys kids have already figured out that Dad's got a problem.
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This oughta be good..

This book deals with you-know-what...SEX. And kids being introduced to where babies come from and how they are made using words like "penis" and "vagina". And just to be sure the point gets across, there are plenty of cartoonish illustrations and explicit pictures.
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Contains every bunny suicide, ever

If you buy this book and read it to your kids, consider yourself an unfit parent and turn yourself in now! I don't get this at all. However, I would probably find this book extremely funny.
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Oh yeah, this will be good...

Second in the Poop book line...

The picture is clearer on the site but the most disurbing part of this book cover is not the wolf in a lab coat saying "Yum" to a steaming turd but rather the sporty golf attire and beret adorning said steaming turd. Senor Caca indeed!
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Sure it is.....

Well the book starts right off with a bang..."Jackie wakes up late at night to find her parents smoking pot'" This book is a childs story of marijuana. Sounds like a book that was written in the '60's. I guess as long as it teaches them how not to get caught...wait a minute, just NO!
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Gotta have a sperm story...

Most of the time you don't want to know where it goes. Although I love the custom goggles that keeps Willy's vision clear so he can see his target...whatever that may be! Be free Willy!
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So there you have it, childrens books that may, just may, account for some of society's issues today. There are many, many more on the site that will just make you go WTF???

I hope you have been entertained!