Today's Apocalypse Sign: And The Heat Goes On...And the Heat Goes On

...to paraphrase an old Sonny and Cher tune. It looks like we will for sure will hit 60 days of triple-digit heat, for this summer, by the end of the week. I am sure it will continue into next week and threaten the 1980 record of 69 days. There has been virtually no rain to speak of for almost two months now. All the lake levels in north Texas are so low the boat ramps are several feet ABOVE the water level. Boating is dangerous simply because the low levels have brought sand bars and tree stumps in to play everywhere. Even diving off a boat can be hazardous.

In an obviously voodoo-minded attempt to bring a cooling effect to my corner of the blogging world, I have even gone so far as to "chill out" my formerly fire and brimstone blog header. The cooler blue color just might help. Anyway, its worth a try.

How are you coping with the heat where you are? Like this maybe...

Today's Apocalypse Sign: And So It Goes...Dee Dee Dum, Dee Dee Dum

It hit 113-degrees here today in Garland, TX.  I am not sure what the airport recorded but quite frankly I don't give two shits about that. The heat coming off the ground, I swear, was causing me to levitate. I take my dogs out for 5 minutes to do their business and they come back in and fall out on the floor like they've been drugged.

I thought today I would just share an email that was sent to me a month ago with humorous intent but has been a predicter of the future. Thank God I don't have a cat!

Dear Diary,

June 1^st:

 ^{Just moved to Texas! Now this is a state that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. It is beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.}

 ^{June 14th:}

Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.

June 30th:

Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing the lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th:

The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least, it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.

July 15th:

Fell asleep by the community pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 20th:

I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag, then popped like a water balloon. The car now smells like Kibbles and Shits. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat. Good ol' Mr. Sun strikes again.

July 25th:

The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the Fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.

July 30th:

Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now, $225,000 house and I can't even go inside. Lomita is the lucky one. Why did I ever come here?

Aug. 4th:

Its 113 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85. I hate this stupid state.

Aug. 8th:

If another wise ass cracks, 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going to strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work, the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!

Aug. 9th:

Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when I sat on the seats in the car, I thought my ass was on fire. My skin melted to the seat. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass . . . Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.

Aug 10th:

The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do shit for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn state? Water rationing will be next, so my $1700 worth of cactus will just dry up and blow over. Even the cactus can't live in this damn heat.

Aug. 14th:
Welcome to HELL! Temperature got to 115 today. Cactus are dead. Forgot to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and guess what he asked me??? "Hot enough for you today?" My sister had to spend $1,500 to bail me out of jail.
 Freaking Texas. What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here??  Will write later to let you know how the trial goes.

Just remember, you can't have hello without a little "hell". Now I really don't know what I'm saying. I am going to stick my head in the freezer for a while...goodnight.