Sunday, December 26, 2010

Today's Apocalypse Sign: Day After Christmas Graphs While I'm On Vacation

What could be better after another gut-filling/busting holiday meal? The exercise you get gut-busting laughing at the weekend graphs...of course!

Now drop and give me twenty, ha ha's that is!

Merry Christmas to all.


funny graphs - Another Form of Picture in Picture
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funny graphs - FOILed Again!
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funny graphs - Awkwarder When I Ask Her To Join
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funny graphs - Now It's Light, But I Can't See
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funny graphs - Mom, You're Not Cool!
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funny graphs - Why I Fist Bump (and Never Get Hired)
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Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Today's Apocalypse Sign: Day One, Christmas Vacation (The Departure)

Well folks the day is here. The dogs are one day into their new dog-sitter environment and we leave DFW tonight at 7PM for the great white north of Ohio. Of course my wife has called the dog-sitters for an update already.

I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a big thanks for sticking with me for this first year (year One will be January 11th, I think). I appreciate all the readers and especially the commenters. I also enjoy reading all your blogs and commenting as well. The bonds formed on the Internet are unique. And to be treasured. Several of you have shared hardships and trials on your lives, for you I hope the holidays are particularly joyous.

A special thanks to Pat Tillet who was one of the first readers and followers. His blog has steered a fair number of readers my way and I really appreciate all the kind words over the last year.

I doubt I will be posting while I am gone but I'll be back next week. Until then be safe, be happy, and be in the company of friends and family.

Merry Christmas to all!

And I'll see ya on the other side.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Today's Apocalypse Sign: Exploited Reindeer

Some reindeer are not very good at foraging during the rough Texas winters and they have to take jobs decorating peoples yards at Christmas time. They are just a shadow of their former selves.

(Click to enlarge)



Sunday, December 19, 2010

Today's Apocalypse Sign: My Stab At Weekend Reflections

We were over at some friends last night for our annual Chinese Christmas party and gift exchange. I walked out in their back yard while the sun was still out and snapped a couple shots of their pool. I thought the reflections looked pretty cool so I am sharing them here...B&W and color versions.



(click to enlarge)


Today's Apocalypse Sign: T'Was The Weekend Graphs Before Christmas

Even though these don't really have anything to do with the holidays, I thought I would throw a little holiday reference into the title.

This weeks graphs for your sadistic pleasure...


funny graphs - Captain Planet: Friend or Foe?
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funny graphs - Tidings, Maybe, But Where's the Great Joy?
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funny graphs - History Repleats Itself
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funny graphs - Just Happy To See You
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funny graphs - Oh Say, Can't You See?
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Thursday, December 16, 2010

Today's Apocalypse Sign: Evil Corporate Bastards!

Okay, I know that a lot of companies could fall into this category but today I am naming the Bastard King of corporate America....


GMAC


Without going into all the details, I have had a run-in with some unauthorized charges on my bank card. Once alerted I called the customer service fraud department of my bank. I was grateful for the email I received alerting me to possible fraud. Many things piss me off about banks and even my bank, but this alert feature has always worked well and, most importantly, quickly.

When the customer service rep answered I could barely understand him. We muddled through the conversation like some holiday game of verbal charades. Finally he understood what I had not authorized and informed me that due to possible fraud he was canceling my bank card and I would be issued a new one in 5 to 7 days. (WTF!...I'm geting ready to leave on vacation and I may not have access to my funds??) He then told me I would be emailed a dispute form from another department to lodge my case for the unauthorized charge. This was a $688 wallop I could not afford, especially this time of year.

So the card was canceled and it has now been 4 days. Good news...received my new card today, bad news...have not seen hide nor hair of my dispute form.

Okay, now on to the Evil Corporate Bastards...GMAC.

I have both my auto loan and home mortgage through GMAC. This is what is termed "all my eggs in one basket"...for better or worse.

Today is worse.

 My wife had the idea to call GMAC and ask them to defer this months payment to the end of the note. Every payment for the last 5 years has been on time and there are only 8 payments left. Some call center agent who I could barely understand and never did get a name from, listens to my plight and then explains to me when my payment is due and would I like to make a payment over the phone. I then s l o w l y explained what I wanted them to do for me. When she finally understood, SHE explained that GMAC does not do payment deferments but not to worry because my payment will not be considered late until 15 days after the due date  (the only funny part of this is she said my payment was due on 12/25 and wouldn't be late until January second...what??? then she corrected herself and said it wouldn't be late until after January 11th. Oh please!

I said she didn't understand (and clearly did not use a calendar I am familar with)...but then she gave me what must have been in her mind, the best news yet...and "nothing will be reported to your credit bureau until after thirty days!" You can make up your own versions of what I was itching to tell her after that. Useless bitch!

So no can-do with the auto loan division.

What the hell, I'm steamed already, let's go for the mortgage division.

You guessed it, I got her sister as the call agent this time. I asked for an English speaking male...I don't think she actually understood what I was asking for.  I am stuck with her.  Went three rounds with the same story but the twist was the payment is not due til January first so technically it is not a "December payment"! Explaining to her that in order to get the payment on time I had to make it in DECEMBER!!!!! In fact I would have to send it by the 26th to get to GMAC on time. She calmly told me my December payment had been made on 11/25 and I was current on my account...holy Jesus is the reason for the season!...not new information. When she finally grasped my situation, she bluntly informed me that they do not do deferrals and gave the same late payment/credit bureau bullshit her "sister" gave me earlier.

Now I do not do this type of request easily or frequently. I have however done this in the past for hardship circumstances and been able to just add another payment to the end of the note. Hell, I've gotten offers in the past from loan companies offering the holiday Skip A Payment option. Rarely used, but offered nonetheless.

Now I know GM, Ford and other auto companies who handle their own financing rely on these divisions to bail them out on the balance sheet, but really what was the hurt of moving a payment from this month to the end of the loan? They are still going to get their money from me.

They are just...

Evil Corporate Bastards

Thank you for letting me rant!

I promise tomorrow I will be back to the adventures of the Vacation Prep. As for now, my one week pre-vacation psychotic break has arrived right on schedule.

Merry Christmas

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Today's Apocalypse Sign: The Dog Sitters Are Good To Go!

T-7 days

A couple great things about today (most of it sucked but these were good):

1) Only one more week of work before the big 'ol jet airliner vacay to far off lands (Ohio).

2) The dog-sitters and dogs were introduced...and we are good to go! They may even be crazy enough to attempt my wife's list of care and feeding.

----------------------------

Now we are down to the final days of vacation preparation. This includes:

1) Washing and grooming the dogs with last minute instructions (to the dogs) as to behavior expected.

2) Beginning the rough draft of what to pack (dry run to be done on Sunday)

3) Buy gift and wrap for office Christmas gift exchange Friday

4) Wife and I buy gifts for Chinese Chrismas party at friends Saturday night (always a hoot)

5) Take tables and chairs to friends in preparatin for Chinese Christmas party (always sucks)

6) Return with same tables and chairs on Sunday morning (really super sucks)

7) Launder as necessary the items we decide to take

8) Check that all photo and video units and accessories are ready to go

9) Watch Weather Channel endlessly to spot any need for last minute clothing adjustments

10) Monitor all food in the fridge so that anything that will spoil in a week will be gone by noon next Wednesday

11) What to wear in preparation of the full body scan at the airport (would writing FUCK YOU above my crotch in reflective paint get me in trouble?) Would that even do anything? I would like to think it would.

Then it's vacation time!

You've vacationed...what am I leaving off my list (cuz ya know that is what drives us crazy!)

Merry Christmas1

Monday, December 13, 2010

Today's Apolcalypse Sign: I Thought I'd Never Get Back Here...To The Monday Minute!

Wow, I missed like several of these and I don't know why Monday's have slipped right by me. No matter, I enjoy the Monday Minute and love to reflect my day in my answers. So here we go:


(1) Who is your favorite actor?
My dog Caesar. He acts like he is never fed, he acts like he gets no attention, he acts like he doesn't fart. It's an academy award kind of day every day!


(2) Do you collect anything?
I apparently collect CD's that failed to burn properly or were damaged while attempting to extract them from a jewel case...I just found this out when I opened a desk drawer I had not been in for quite some time and BAM! there must of been 50 of those suckers.

(3) What's the biggest turn off in someone of the opposite sex?
Some one who wasn't the "opposite" originally...know what I mean, Lola?

(4) If you HAD to change your first name, what would you change it to and why?
Ghost. Can you just imagine...at a party??? No better ice-breaker. "Hi, my name's Ghost, have we met?"
(5) What virtue is better: forgiveness or justice?
Ah, the chicken or the egg of our society's morals. I say justice first then forgiveness, both have equal needs in our civilization. Ain't that right Sierra Leone?

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Today's Apocalypse Sign: More Graphs, Less Talk

With out intro or further ado, here are this weeks graphs for you! View with caution.



funny graphs - See Also: Martinis from Waitresses
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funny graphs - Examining Your Zipper
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funny graphs - And It All Magically Turns To Lint
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funny graphs - No Way They'll Fall Out of Style
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funny graphs - Like a Thousand Muscles Cried Out at Once
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funny graphs - Why Can't We All Just Smoosh Along
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Thursday, December 9, 2010

Today's Apocalypse Sign: Oh Yeah, It's Real!

There is no intro needed. Here is the completed dog-sitter list of instructions and info for our vacation dog-sitter that my wife put together today. Enjoy!

------------------------------------------------------------

Caesar Farch


5yrs old

Birthday Oct 1, 2005



Owners: Chuck & Brandi Farch

Address: 12215 LBJ Freeway

Garland, TX 75041

Brandi Cell: 214-435-3194

Chuck Cell: 214-876-6652



MaryAnn: 214-878-2391  Emergency Contact (Local)



Veterinarian: Town East Galloway

2860 N Galloway Ave.

Mesquite, TX 75150

972-613-9871

Hours: Mon-Fri: 8am-6pm

Sat: 8am-12pm

Sun: Closed



Emergency after hours: 972-226-3377



Pet Record:

Service Good until

Dapp/duramuneAdult Vaccination Apr 4, 2011

Leptovax Vaccination Apr 6, 2011

Bordetella Booster Apr 19, 2011

Heartworm/Erhlichia/Lymes Test Jun 16, 2012

Rabies Canine 1 Year Booster Jun 16, 2013



Caesar’s Potty, Food & Snacks

Food, Snacks & Vitamins: Provided

(HE LOVES SLEEPING IN THE BED WITH YOU)



· Needs to go potty 1st thing in the morning when you get up.



· After his AM potty he gets a vitamin and a doggy snack.



· He is used to going out around 12pm if possible for peepee and poopoo and gets a doggy snack after



· He is used to going out around 5pm before dinner poop (no doggy snack)



· 5:30pm Dinner (1 baggy dry food mixed with 2 table spoons of wet – warm wet food up with hot water



· 7:30pm Poop and Pee – doggy snack after



· Before bed peepee used to around 9:30 or 10pm doggy snack after



Caesar’s habits



· Loves to play tug of war



· Gets excited while walking outside – may try to attack his lease – you have to be firm with him and maybe even swat him on the butt



· Most of the time he needs his butt wiped after he poops (not a very good pincher)



· Snores – sometimes it’s loud but just give him a nudge and say stop snoring until he stops



· Gassy (it’s a Boston trait)



· Loves to be rubbed on the belly



· Nicknames – Booboo – Teeter – Monkey – Sneezer



· Gets excited when playing but he is not mean - PROMISE


------------------------------------------------------------------


Cornelia Farch

6 months old

Birthday June 26, 2010



Owners: Chuck & Brandi Farch

Address: 12215 LBJ Freeway

Garland, TX 75041

Brandi Cell: 214-435-3194

Chuck Cell: 214-876-6652



MaryAnn: 214-878-2391 Emergency contact (local)



Veterinarian: Town East Galloway

2860 N Galloway Ave.

Mesquite, TX 75150

972-613-9871



Hours: Mon-Fri: 8am-6pm

Sat: 8am-12pm

Sun: Closed



Emergency after hours: 972-226-3377



Pet Record:

Service Good until

Bordetella Booster Apr 19, 2011

Dhlp/Parvo/Corona Annual Oct 19, 2011

Rabies Canine 1 Year Booster Oct 19, 2011





Cornelia’s Potty, Food & Snacks

Food, Snacks & Vitamins: Provided

(SHE LOVES SLEEPING IN THE BED WITH YOU)



· Needs to go potty 1st thing in the morning when you get up.



· After her AM potty she gets a vitamin and breakfast. (1 baggy dry food mixed with 2 table spoons of wet – warm wet food up with hot water.



· Within 2 hours of eating she needs to go potty and gets a doggy snack after.



· She is used to being crated during the day.



· She is used to going out around 12pm if possible for peepee and poopoo and gets a doggy snack after



· She is used to going out around 5pm before dinner poop (no doggy snack)



· 5:30pm Dinner (1 baggy dry food mixed with 2 table spoons of wet – warm wet food up with hot water



· 7:30pm Poop and Pee – doggy snack after



· Before bed peepee 9:30 or 10pm doggy snack after





Cornelia’s habits



· Loves to be rubbed on the belly



· Loves kisses



· Loves her sweater – but not at night



· You have to keep an eye on her – she is about 95% potty trained but she is still a puppy



· She is just now beginning to snore – it’s not very loud



· Gassy as most Boston’s are



· Loves to just be held and cuddled



· Please do not call her Corn-Dog, Corny – either Baby Girl or Cornelia (Mommy request)

----------------------------------------------------------

Can you think of anything she might have missed???

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Today's Apocalypse Sign: The Dreaded Vacation Prep

Exactly 2 weeks from now I leave the cozy confines of Dallas, TX and wing my way northward to the (hopefully) snowy shores of the Ohio coast of Lake Erie for Christmas Vacation. Oh yeah, my wife is going too!

I capitalize Christmas Vacation because with two weeks to go, my wife and I do this sadistic ritual of vacation preparation that has the potential to become a Chevy Chase-caliber movie. She and I are the lead roles, the two dogs are the supporting cast. Hilarity and slapstick along with possible injury are bound to ensue.

Last night we completed the task of ordering the family gifts. We generally decide on one type of gift and order different styles for each member of the family. Keeps us from over thinking and over spending.

We ordered online, huddled around the computer like elfin-geeks of sorts, and the two dogs tried everything (including untimely flatulence) to distract us. My wife kept sniffing and asking if it was me. After a tortured hour of "I like this" and "honey,that's ugly" and "whatever, get the one you like"...the order was complete. As usual we shipped it directly to my mothers house in Ohio so all we have to do is wrap when we get there. Pure genius!

Now today we are at defcon level 5 minus 14 days. Tonight we prepare the List for the dog sitters. Our canine versions of Tweedledum and Tweedledumber are overly spoiled and pampered. And...I've been in a panic for four days since we found out our stand-by dog sitter (with her new 4-yr old Boston male) was not going to be able to handle our 5-yr old male AND a 6-month old female. My wife took them to the sitters house on Sunday for a test and that lasted approximately 10 minutes.

Now what! No budget for boarding and I loathe doing that for lots of reasons. No plan B...we were flying without a net on this one. Holy shit we're screwed! Skipping the juicy parts, that all got resolved today and a huge weight is off my shoulders...but there is still 2 weeks to go. That sound you heard was me holding my breath.

Anyway, tonight we have to prepare the instructions for the care, feeding, pooping, sleeping, etc. of our two whack-jobs for an entire week. In a strange house with strange people.

Here is a brief sample of our canine comedy shop: dinner time involves a measured portion of organic dry food for each. Then a measured portion of holistic canned food (this shit is so tasty good smelling that after the apocalypse I'm heading for Pet Smart not Tom Thumb). The canned food is rather chunky so we finely chop it with a spoon. Then a little warm water stirred in and mixed to a nicely blended consistency and served. (Hungry yet?) All the while the dogs are sitting there watching like, "is it soup yet...how about now...is it soup yet?"


The two loonies eat on opposite sides of the kitchen. When they are both done (I've got this down to where they finish almost simultaneously)...THEN they go to each others empty bowl and spend 5 minutes licking.clean.stainless.steel.
 
I am sure we will argue over what the sitters will and won't be willing to do for us and the fact they are doing it for free we can't expect it to be like home...yada, yada, yada. The List will start out War And Peace-like and end up on a Post-It note. She will finish it and I will be watching Criminal Minds. Then we'll review it.

This should be the hardest day of the prep.

Next time, tune in for the fun home game of Pack It Or Leave it! that will take a few days to sort out.

If you are going home for the Holidays, travel safe. And if you are flying, wear lead underwear (that'll teach 'em).

Merry/Happy whatever holiday you celebrate.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Today's Apocalypse Sign: We Have Winner!

Elizabeth Edwards dies of cancer at 61

This headline jumped off the page at me as I was logging out of my windowslive account just now. I know I just heard this morning that the doctors had decided no further treatment would be productive. They never even mentioned on the Today Show that she was thisclosetodeath.
 
Though technically not a politician, being the high-profile wife of a philandering ex-presidential candidate (say that three times fast) I think fills my prediction from just yesterday of the genre of the third celebrity death in this threesome.
 
Wow! This all went so fast. In less than a week we had Leslie Neilson (actor), Don Meredith (sports legend), and Elizabeth Edwards (politico spouse) fade to black. This must be some kind of record.
 
Here is short clip on Elizabeth Edwards battle with cancer.
 


RIP Liz.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Today's Apocalypse Sign: Never Doubt Me...Ever.

Well, for those of you that had no belief and more importantly, no bets in, we have Number 2 on our Holiday Threesome...and it didn't take long. I must say I was completely blindsided by this one as I listened to the radio today at work:

"Dandy" Don Meredith, former Dallas Cowboy QB sports broadcaster, dead at the age of 72 of a brain hemorrage.



I always remember Don Meredith for two things, 1) Green Bay beat him and the Cowboys in consecutive years ('66 and '67) to go to the first two Super Bowls, and 2) his wit and humor in the Monday Football broadcast booth while keeping Howard Cosell in line.

His last appearance I know of was singing the Turn Out The Lights song when Texas Stadium was imploded earlier this year. He will be missed.

In case you missed it the first time here is that implosion and Dandy Don doing his final serenade:



Don Meredith's party is over and the lights are out.

Now the question remains...who will YOU pick as the third member of the Threesome? I now have a feeling it will be a politcian. What do you say? Get your bets in now.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Today's Apocalypse Sign: Weekend Graphs...I Made It Up To You!

Sorry about the last couple weeks. To make it up to ya, here are six graphs and 2 funny short vids to kick-start your funny bone.

Enjoy these on me!


funny graphs - The Twist Is That You Wasted Your Time!
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funny graphs - Oh, Easy Open Wounds!
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funny graphs - Same Applies to Microwaves
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funny graphs - Bzzz! Operation!
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funny graphs - Number 1 Priority
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funny graphs - This Graph's Not Important Right Now
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Friday, December 3, 2010

Today's Apocalypse Sign: In The End Whoring Doesn't Pay (Usually)

Well the drawing over at Nat The Fat Rat has come and gone. As is my lot many times...I didn't friggin' win! So instead of this type of drawing for Christmas:








My wife will get this masterpiece

And apparently a magnifying glass!


Shorty, this ones on you...

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Today's Apocalypse Sign: Still Whoring For A Drawing

Check out how good an artist Rachel Stratford is when it comes to pencil drawings.


This is one of Nat's dogs that Rachel drew. I know she could do great justice to my little Boston.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Today's Apocalypse Sign: The Holiday Threesome Has Begun!

Yep, we have hit that time of year again. No, it isn't Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, or Festivus (for the rest of us). It is the real life version (sort of) of the Three Christmas Spirits.

It is the Celebrity Dead Pool. The Curse of The Threes.

You know it or have heard whispers of it. When a big celebrity dies, there are two more coming right behind them. And when the first one happens right before December, you know 2 more celebs will not see the new year.

And to kick things off this year, none other than our beloved Leslie Neilson dies of pneumonia complications while battling a staph infection. I loved the movie Airplane and can quote most of it by heart. His comedic timing and sight gags were hilarious.

Watch the tribute below, it's worth it:




The question now becomes, who will be the next to fall victim of this Curse?

Will it be the always favorite Dead Pool candidate, Wilfred Brimley (TS, do you have your money on this one??) or will it be a dark horse such as the supposedly recovering Michael Douglas? Maybe a rehab long shot like Lindsay Lohan? The field is wide open. Hollywood. Sports Stars. Politicians.

So put your thinking caps on and enter your two votes in the comments. Somebody has to be right, right? Bonus points for guessing the method of death. Triple points for guessing the date.

I'm going with Sarah Palin, she will choke to death on her own foot. Curiously, no one around her at the time will know the Heimlich maneuver. However someone at the book signing will attempt a tracheotomy using the pen she was signing a book with. Fail.

And I'll also go with ex-president Jimmy Carter, again a choking victim...peanuts, what else. He will attempt to get the nut down by guzzling his collector's can of Billy Beer, but alas, that just makes matters worse. The combination of the two results in fatal anaphylaxis. Now the Republicans will again have the majority of ex-presidents by a 2-1 margin.

I look forward to seeing your selections.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Today's Apocalypse Sign: I Am A Contest Whore, Just Once

Yes the season of giving is upon us and I want someone to give to ME. No...no, I'm not being selfish in THAT way, I am doing this for my wife. And to reaffirm I would not stumble into Jesse's bear trap.

My wife and I are not able to have children. Our dogs are our kids. As luck would have it I am a true blue follower of Nat The Fat Rat's blog. And while most of her followers are women, I can say I enjoy reading her musings, about the Holbs, moving from Moscow, ID to NYC, and all things Natalie. Her blog is a great read so stop by and check it out, unfortunately you will need to go back to at least the first of this year and read it all because you will miss a lot of great stuff if you just start now. Hey, what else did you have to do for the holidays?

Anyway, side tracked as always....the reason I mention her blog AND to justify the title of this post, she has teamed with a great friend of hers, Rachel Stratford, who does amazing drawings, to sponsor a contest. She and Rachel are giving away a drawing of the contest winner's pet. I intend on winning and presenting my wife with a spectacular drawing of one of our Boston Terriers. I mean how can you not want me to win with a pooch like this:

Click to enlarge

This is Cornelia after her eye surgery for a condition called Cherry Eye. The entertainment value of the flexible cone cannot be overstated.

So let's recap:

* Go read Nat The Fat Rat...do it!
* Go check out the amazing drawing on Rachel's site 
* Show Cornelia the love and support my efforts to win the contest (prayers and voodoo accepted)

Thanks, you've been a great audience.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Today's Apocalypse Sign: Tim Burton and Rammstein...Made For Each Other

Nothing says the Christmas season is upon us like The Nightmare Before Christmas done to Rammstein. I ask you, what DOESN'T go with a Rammstein song? I have a feeling there is more to come on this subject. Until then, enjoy this little barnacle:


Sunday, November 14, 2010

Today's Apocalypse Sign: Getting In The Holiday Spirit...Weekend Graphs

No these graphs have nothing to do with ANY holiday, I just thought I would mention the upcoming holiday season is about to be upon us...again.

To lighten the mood and bring you some cheer, it's time to reveal the Weekend Graphs are here!

Don't try this at home...

Enjoy!

song chart memes
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song chart memes
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song chart memes
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song chart memes
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song chart memes
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Saturday, November 13, 2010

Today's Apocalypse Sign: Life's Reflection Or Is It A Flashback?

My life, as chronicled by concerts I've seen.

I have always been into music. Since, The Stones, Bob Seger, and Zeppelin were young lads. My friends were into Snoopy And The Red Baron, I was jamming with the Doors and Jimi Hendrix. I have also never been one of those who got "stuck" in an era. You know those people who think anything other than the classic rock station just isn't real music? We all know them.

My first concert ever was 1977 with  Rush featuring their 2112 album. Opening act was Edgar Winter (he of the albino persuasion and Frankenstein instrumental) and Rick Derringer (he of the "Rock 'n Roll Hoochee Koo" fame). I do not remember the venue but it was in Cleveland Ohio and I have loved this album ever since.

My best intimate-setting concert was shortly after I moved to Houston, TX I saw Ian Hunter at a small club called Kardi's off of Westheimer in downtown Houston. There couldn't have been more than 150 people there and it was fantastic! Got to shake Ian's hand afterward. We were so close you could smell the band. They played for almost 2 hours and the cover was only $10! The album You're Never Alone With A Schizophrenic is solid gold, here's a taste, Bastard. For those who like lyrics (like me).

Favorite concert, and a tough choice, had to be Bob Seger and The Silver Bullet Band in Houston back in the early 80's. Do not have any idea who the opening band was, not even sure there was one. Great seats, good friends, hot babe, rockin' time. The show never seemed to end. It gets top billing since these were the best seats I ever had at a concert. Not front row or on the floor (never thought those were all that great) but about 20 or 25 rows up on the left hand side (as you're facing the stage) and 2 sections out from the stage. They were perfect seats. You could see everything clearly and it felt like you were right in the show. The libations might also have had something to do with that. Live Bullet brings back this show every time I listen to it. And Metallica does a great cover of Turn The Page.

Most impressive concert performance, hands down, The Michael Stanley Band. They are an Ohio band that played before a total of 74,404 fans at the Blossom Music Center on 4 consecutive nights in 1982. They broke Zeppelin's record at the Cleveland Coliseum and the Doobie Brothers record at Blossom with a stunning 42,000 for a one night show. This band owned Ohio back in the late 70's. MSB never got the national recognition they should have. Get The Show On The Road rivals Turn The Page as a timeless classic. Hear the album version (featuring Clarence Cleamons on sax) and the live Stagepass version. Some of their other great songs are Rosewood Bitters, Midwest Midnight, Voodoo, Lover, He Can't Love You. Find them online and add them to your play list. Stagepass is my favorite MSB album, it's double and live.

The worst concert experience I've had was on par with some of the stupider things I have done in life, and lived to tell about. A friend of mine, who at the time seemed creative but failed to consider all obvious outcomes, convinced me we should silk-screen some simple Led Zeppelin-like logos on cheap T-shirts and go to the sold out show in Cleveland and sell them. Genius right? Make a few bucks and have some money to blow on what ever. Not quite.

I don't remember all the details (it was the 70's) but we ended up in the bowels of the arena where Zeppelin was playing (the previously mentioned Coliseum) trying to get into the show by filing a police report that we had been mugged and our precious concert tickets stolen. My friend was good but not good enough to get us into the show with THAT story.

While we were under the arena, we were taken to an area very close to the entrance up to the stage and there must have been ten or fifteen 8-foot tables lined up end to end with all sorts of paraphernalia, weapons, drugs, coolers, alcohol, contraband of all sorts, that had been confiscated. Dozens of people in handcuffs were sitting against the wall...and we were there long enough to hear the muffled strains of Dazed and Confused before we were told to go home there was nothing that could be done for us. Whenever I hear that song I can only think of that night. We at least got to hear the whole song. We never did sell any shirts and I never saw Zeppelin. Next time I had Zeppelin tickets for real...John Bonham died a month or two before the tour was to start. Like a dumbass I sent them back for a refund.

First all-day concert I ever attended was back in 1980 in the old Cleveland Indian's stadium. It was called the World Series of Rock. Check out the line ups in the link. I can't remember if I went to one or two of these shows. I am thinking two. Nothing says "good time" like a plastic gallon milk jug full of warm margarita. That was the alcoholic equivalent of an all-day sucker. It was general admission and was like a mini-Woodstock kind of thing. Sheets of plywood all over the field. All in all the day was pretty good. No wonder Ian Hunter did a song called Cleveland Rocks and the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame is in Cleveland! Very cool place. If you have not gone, take a trip.

In December of 1980 I moved to Houston, TX (Baytown, TX to be precise). My friend and I just packed some clothes and took off to make our fortune on the oil rigs...yeah right. Living in a motel room that had a little strip club at the end of it...we weren't going anywhere. That is a story for another time I'm afraid.

Anyway, back to my concert flashbacks...

I am a little all over the place here so bear with me...I mentioned the Bob Seger show already, so the next highlight has to be, yup, The Texxas Jam!

This all-day event had usually been held in Dallas at the Cotton Bowl but the year I moved to Houston it was set for the Astrodome. The line up was awesome! And believe me it was a long, hot day in the dome, but good times, good times.

The best part (or craziest part) was that my friend and I also had tickets for the same show (swapping BOC for Ted Nugent) the next night...in New Orleans! At the Superdome! Considering I take credit for discovering BOC a few years earlier in Ohio, I had to see them live. Yes, I really did discover them.

This is my weak-ass claim to fame, two. dome. all-day concerts. 350 miles apart in two days! Meh, seemed very adventurous at the time. Knowing now what I know about the Big Easy I might say it was insane. We naively thought that after the concert we would crash in a pre-arranged hotel room and drive home later in the day, ah ha...no.

We had left Houston before dawn and thought we would get to NO and find a room and be all set...sorry, no rooms anywhere that we could afford. We were resigned to partying all day at the concert and then either crashing in the car or driving home after midnight. We chose to leave. However, not more than a hour or so out of town we were done. I pulled into a rest stop and we crashed for about 3 hours. Not the best idea but the hubris of youth kept us alive. We could have been milk carton fodder for sure.

We were very proud of our accomplishment the next day.

Worst concert I actually saw, believe it or not, was Eric Clapton at Reunion Arena in Dallas. I was so amped to see this show back in the early 90's and I should have realized that a show touted as A Night Of The Blues was not going to rock. And it didn't. I know I slept through good parts of the show. No Layla, no Crossroads, no Cocaine, utterly forgettable show...for everyone who attended. It was twenty thousand people who never moved for 2 hours. Really bad.

The last couple concerts I have seen are the last ones I have seen. Mid-90's I saw the Page-Plant show that resembled nothing of Led Zeppelin. I am not sure they played any Zeppelin songs and were more into mystical eastern style music. It was alright but not what I really wanted to see. Rusted Root opened for them.

The last concert I have seen, oddly I can't place the date. It might have been right before 2000. It was the Roger Waters Pink Floyd show at the old Texas Stadium (since imploded). The seats were one section from being perfect (almost directly off of stage right) and the music was good not great. Not great in the aspect of what I wanted to see in a Floyd show. Waters was great of course, but the show was your garden variety light and flash pot performance with a large video screen showing the album graphics related to the song that was being played. I guess "not memorable" is the best words to describe it.

**When "The Wall" toured they only played two cities (New York and Los Angeles) due to the complicated stage set up and production of the show. Animals had the flying pig from the album cover, above the stage. I can't even imagine what the Dark Side of The Moon show would have been like. That was the kind of PF show I wanted to see.

There you have it, the shows that stuck in my mind and became bits of me. Outside of Zeppelin and Pink Floyd, the one band I regret never seeing in their heyday was Kiss. All my friends who have seen them say the show was awesome.

Anybody have any concert experiences they want to share?

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Today's Apocalypse Sign: Oops! I Did It Again...Weekend Graphs That is

Now that daylight savings time is over, you need something to occupy that extra you got last night...here it is:

The Weekend Graphs........enjoy!

song chart memes
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song chart memes
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song chart memes
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song chart memes
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song chart memes
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song chart memes
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Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Today's Apocalypse Sign: I Failed Alex

It is now two weeks to the day that the Alex J Cavanaugh science fiction novel was released. I told Alex I would help promote the word. He sent me all the info you see below. I had a post prepared and...never published it (shame). I was going through my drafts and saw that I had failed Alex.

I am a huge science fiction buff and this novel is right up my alley. I am reading it now and I think it is going to be a huge hit. Alex may be too modest (or maybe not) to share actual sales figures as time goes by, but it should be big. He is working on a sequel already and I'm on board for that!

So to Alex I say, I'm sorry for the lateness of this post, but I look at it as the reminder (sort of a post release promotion if you will) to those who have not bought the book, to get in line. And to those who may read my blog but not have known about the book release at all...links below will let you buy right now!

5-Stars for Cassastar!...great book Alex! When does the movie come out???




CassaStar by Alex J. CavanaughOctober 19, 2010 Science fiction/adventure/space operaISBN 9780981621067 Dancing Lemur Press LLC

To pilot the fleet’s finest ship…

Few options remain for Byron. A talented but stubborn young man with a troubled past and rebellious attitude, his cockpit skills are his only hope. Slated to train as a Cosbolt fighter pilot, Byron is determined to prove his worth and begin a new life as he sets off for the moon base of Guaard.

Much to Byron’s chagrin, the toughest instructor in the fleet takes notice of the young pilot. Haunted by a past tragedy, Bassa eventually sees through Byron's tough exterior and insolence. When a secret talent is revealed during training, Bassa feels compelled to help Byron achieve his full potential.

As war brews on the edge of space, time is running short. Byron requires a navigator of exceptional quality to survive, and Bassa must make a decision that could well decide the fate of both men. Will their skills be enough as they embark on a mission that may stretch their abilities to the limit?

“…calls to mind the youthful focus of Robert Heinlein’s early military sf, as well as the excitement of space opera epitomized by the many Star Wars novels. Fast-paced military action and a youthful protagonist make this a good choice for both young adult and adult fans of space wars.” - Library Journal

Trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67YBjQve00U



Links to purchase:

AMAZON - http://www.amazon.com/CassaStar-Alex-J-Cavanaugh/dp/0981621066

BARNES & NOBLE - http://search.barnesandnoble.com/books/e/9780981621067/?itm=1&USRI=cassastar

BAM - http://www.booksamillion.com/product/9780981621067?id=4581185563381#overview

Also available in eBook format for Kindle, iPad, Nook, and others

Bio: Alex J. Cavanaugh has a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree and works in web design and graphics. He’s experienced in technical editing and worked with an adult literacy program for several years. A fan of all things science fiction, his interests range from books and movies to music and games. Currently he lives in the Carolinas with his wife.

http://alexjcavanaugh.blogspot.com/

Alex J. Cavanaugh
http://alexjcavanaugh.blogspot.com/

Monday, November 1, 2010

Today's Apocalypse Sign: The Halloweenie Monday Minute

As this weekend of ghoulish hijinx comes to an end, here are my retrospective thoughts and musings for the Monday Minute.

What did you dress up as your first Halloween?

I think it was some kind of fruit, it was pretty tramatizing.




Alien chest-buster, Halloween costumeImage via Wikipedia

What has been your favorite Halloween costume of all time?

Even though this is not me in the picture
I was amazed to find this on my Zemanta gallery. Mine was better though because
it was spring-loaded so I could keep the 
shock value as more people came to the party. Even to some drunk people who had seen it like two or three times already. Best all-time!











Do you believe in ghosts?

Actress Jennifer Love Hewitt at the premiere o...Image via WikipediaOf course. Do you think I watch Ghost Whisperer just to see the size of Jennifer Love Hewitt's boobs change from season to season? I want to be a ghost in Grandview! I do believe in spooks...I do believe in spooks...I do believe in spooks. 10 points if you can name that movie reference. Stop staring and think!




















What's your favorite holiday of the year?

My wife says it's her birthday...lucky for her it is right at Thanksvgiving. What? Giving a turkey for a birthday gift works for me! Two birds with one stone I say.

What's your favorite fall dessert?

I swear off all fall desserts so I can save up room for....Christmas desserts! Then it's everything but fruitcake!

And that's this weeks show! You've been a wonderful audience...

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Sunday, October 31, 2010

Today's Apocalypse Sign: Three In A Row...The Weekend Graphs

There is a bonus video at the end to go with the last graph. If you are a Miami CSI fan you'll love it...even if you're not, it's pretty good.

Enjoy this weeks graphs!



funny graph - insert random Shia Lebeouf Insult Here
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funny graphs - Smear Tactics
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funny graphs - Afternoon Delight
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