Today's Apocalypse Sign: X Marks The Spot Or Not

Xactly, what the hell do you do with X?? It is the third least common letter in the alphabet and is the first most irritating. I see X as a symbol really, not a word starter. X marks the spot, put an X in the box, designate exit routes with an X, XOXOXOX, etc. If these words below truly represent all the words in our language that start with X, I now care even less about it. I cannot even tell you the last time I have written a real word beginning with X. X is good for X-rated and XXX and Super Bowl numbering and not much else.

Can we all agree to boycott X and chop it from the dictionary for next year's challenge? Because quite frankly if you don't, you are going to see this same post again. X is dead to me.

Enjoy the following list of totally useless  X words...except for the one I find funny. Please tell me if anyone has ever actaully suffered from this. You'll know which one it is when you get there.

Word	Definition
xanthareel	yellow eel formerly used in medicinal foods
xanthic	yellow; yellowish
xanthippe	ill-tempered woman
xanthocarpous	having yellow fruit
xanthochroia	yellowness of the skin
xanthochroic	having yellow skin
xanthocomic	yellow-haired
xanthocyanopsy	form of colour-blindness in which only blue and yellow can be distinguished
xanthoderm	yellow-skinned person
xanthodont	one with yellow teeth
xanthoma	disease characterized by yellow patches on the skin
xanthometer	instrument for measuring colour of sea or lake water
xanthophyll	substance causing yellow colour of autumn leaves
xanthopsia	a visual condition where things appear yellow
xanthospermous	having yellow seeds
xanthous	yellow or red-haired
xebec	small three-masted pirate ship
xeme	fork-tailed gull
xenagogue	guide; someone who conducts strangers
xenial	of or concerning hospitality towards guests
xenium	gift made to a guest or ambassador; any compulsory gift
xenobiotic	indicating a substance or item foreign to the body
xenocracy	government by a body of foreigners
xenodiagnosis	diagnosis of disease by allowing laboratory-bred diseases to affect material
xenodocheionology	love of hotels
xenodochial	hospitable; kindly to strangers
xenodochium	building for the reception of strangers
xenogamy	cross-fertilization
xenogeneic	of a disease, derived from an individual of a different species
xenogenesis	generation of offspring entirely unlike the parent
xenogenous	due to an outside cause
xenoglossia	person's knowledge of a language never studied
xenolalia	person's knowledge of a language never studied
xenolith	fragment of extraneous rock embedded in magma or another rock
xenomancy	divination using strangers
xenomania	inordinate attachment to foreign things
xenomenia	menstruation from abnormal orifices
xenomorphic	having a form not its own
xenophilia	love of foreigners
xenophobia	fear of foreigners
xenops	a small tropical rainforest bird
xenurine	species of armadillo
xeransis	drying up
xerarch	growing in dry places
xerasia	abnormal dryness of the hair
xeric	dry; lacking in moisture
xerocopy	photocopy
xerodermia	abnormal dryness of the skin
xerography	photocopying
xerophagy	eating of dry food; fast of dry food in the week preceding Easter
xerophily	adaptation to very dry conditions
xerophobous	unable to survive drought
xerophthalmia	dryness and soreness of the eyes
xerophytic	able to withstand drought
xeroradiography	process for taking permanent pictures of X-ray images
xerosis	abnormal dryness of body parts
xerostomia	excessive dryness of the mouth
xerothermic	dry and hot
xerotic	dry
xerotripsis	dry friction
xesturgy	process of polishing
xilinous	of, like or pertaining to cotton
xiphias	swordfish
xiphoid	sword-shaped
xiphopagus	conjoined twins joined by a band of flesh on the torso
xiphophyllous	having sword-shaped leaves
xiphosuran	horseshoe crab
xoanon	primitive wooden statue overlaid with ivory and gold
xography	photographic process for producing three-dimensional images
xu	former monetary unit of Vietnam
xylan	gelatinous compound found in wood
xylary	of, like or pertaining to xylem
xylem	woody portion of a plant
xylocarp	hard and woody fruit
xylogenous	growing on wood
xyloglyphy	wood-carving
xylography	art of engraving on wood
xyloid	woody; ligneous
xylology	study of wood
xylomancy	divination by examining wood found in one's path
xylometer	instrument measuring specific gravity of wood
xylophagous	wood-eating
xylophilous	fond of wood; living in or on wood
xylophory	wood-carrying
xylopolist	one who sells wood
xylopyrography	engraving designs on wood with hot poker
xylorimba	combination of xylophone and marimba
xylotherapy	use of certain sorts of wood in treating disease
xylotomous	wood-cutting; wood-boring
xylotypographic	printed from wooden blocks
xystarch	ancient Greek officer in charge of gymnastic exercises
xyster	surgeon's instrument for scraping bones
xyston	short pike used by Greek heavy cavalry
xystus	covered walkway for exercises

Today's Apocalypse Sign: The Curse Of The iPhone...It's The Apple

This really is one of Zeppelin's best tunes and fits this post...enjoy



It has been a long time since I posted an original opinionated rant...but I am afraid I must. Some of this will be humorous, some will be serious. Some of this will cause you to take a better look at yourself, and sadly, it will make you want to take a picture of yourself.

I am referring to the ubiquitous, heroin-like addicting iPhone.

I first and foremost hate the pretentious lower-case "i" merging into the upper-case"P" as if this is a word and will soon appear in Websters. You and I both know this is coming and it will be a dark day when that happens. How snobby that a little i precedes a big P.

Secondly, I hate Apple in general. I'm a PC guy. The primary reason is the thinly veiled Biblical reference of their icon:

The apple with one bite taken, come on...this is symbolic of the fateful bite Eve took in the Garden Of Eden when the serpant (vaguely resembling Steve Jobs) handed her the apple. Who knew that the end game of this terrible breach of God's forbiddence would be Apple computers (with their sappy Macintosh, or Mac for short, name) and eventually...the iPhone.

There are even rainbow Apple logos for gay and lesbian pride:

And above, my personnel favorite, The Apocalyptical Apple.

The iPhone is now in its 4th incarnation and has gone 4g. I see this never stopping. Why? Because this insidious electronic gadget has the power to separate you from true human interaction without ever feeling the effects of de-socializing. And for those wanting to escape the assholes of the world, what better way to do it. Ironically, once infected with iPhoneitis, being deprived of its use may one day (if it hasn't already) lead to suicide. In fact I challenge doctors who do this kind of shit for giggles, to set a person, who has relied on their iPhone for most of there daily life for the last 3 years, in a padded room (necessary I assure you) with only their iPhone...and a dead battery! Study how long it takes them to break the phone into sharp pieces they can use to slit their wrists. Ha, now THAT would be study worth undertaking!

Sorry...calm shallow breathing...in...out...in...out. Okay, why now does this wind me up so, you might ask. Go ahead, ask me!

Welll, here we go.........
My wife was having "problems" with her phone (unbeknownst to me). It was one of those where the top of the phone slides up and down. She claimed it was just arbitrarily turning off for no reason. She needed to upgrade her phone. Of course I knew none of this until I happened to be looking at our bank activity online and found a charge to ATT. Now I knew I paid all the bills but the one bill she would make sure was paid was her phone bill. I called her and asked her if she charged something to ATT. Why yes she did...and since she was now telling me the story of the non-working current phone, how could it it not be a deal of the day to get.....a reconditioned iPhone! "Honey, it was only $49.95, they normally go for $300! Wasn't that a good deal?"

I liken this to the "here give this a little try" sales pitch from your neighborhood heroin or crack dealer. There is absolutely no difference. In either product or marketing plan. Don't you agree?

I must digress for a moment. I, like a billion other people on this planet, have a cell phone. It is fairly archaic by today's standards even though it is only a year old. It has a $49.95 a month unlimited everything plan, does texting, takes and sends pictures, will accept cool ring tones, has a color display, and is Bluetooth enabled. So by saying that, I want you to know I am not advocating the return to communicating with sticks and clay tablets. But when I am not using my phone as a phone, replying to a text (minimal texting is my motto), or taking a picture of the moment, it is silently stashed in its pouch on my hip.

I can't watch YouTube, I can't make fart sounds, and I certainly can't use my phone as a leveling device. My phone is not an MP3 player or a bowling alley. It is a damn phone with a couple other features (the text and camera things). Period. I call it minimalistic need.

Back to the story. Now the iPhone arrives a few days later and yes it was only $49.95. A few days after that a rubber case for the iPhone shows up...$16.95. Then of course the data plan which you must have to use the internet...$29.95 per month addition to our bill! And the most devious thing of all...access to the freakin' AppStore!! No, don't get me wrong, there are a billion free apps, but you know, you just know, that there will be some $1.99, $2.99 charges showing up for some non-free apps.

My wife says a lot of funny things. This was one of the funniest, "Honey we'll decide together on any apps you have to pay for, okay?" Was this really a question? Was there a chance when I said "Okay" that I would ever be asked about buying an app from the freakin' AppStore? Was I really supposed to feel like a partner in the use of the iPhone? NO to all of it!!!

Periodically as I am checking our main bank account online I view the activity on her bank card. I have seen a couple App purchases and casually asked about them. Then when she excitedly shows me what she got, why she got it, and how cool it is, in that happy 20-yr old voice she can find for times like this, how can I not just love her to pieces and say "that's nice honey".

Now I only know two things about this whole ordeal:

1.   I am really scared to see the first bill (should be anyday now)

2.   I want one too! Shit. Some drank the cool-aid, some took the red pill, I just want to bite that fucking apple!

Of course there's an App you can get to write your name on a picture you've taken with the iPhone. She thinks this makes it all better...