Today's Apocalypse Sign: Opposite Sides Of The World, Same Annoying Noise

I don't know if any of you have watched any of the World Cup matches. I personaly think soccer is generally as entertaining as watching grass grow. Any game that lasts 90 minutes on a huge field with a bunch of guys running around that cannot touch the ball with their hands and who will be elated if the score is 1-nil, has boredom written all over it for me. {Same reason I don't watch hockey.} It doesn't help that the U.S.A. does not usually fare very well in World Cup (or soccer in general) and that I do not know one single rule about the the game. Unless you count the fact that I understand the ball going in the net is a goal, but this is a pretty universal game concept.

Okay, I have totally digressed...

The purpose of this post is to aquaint (or maybe re-aquaint) you with the musical nonsense of the world and how half-a world apart, things are not that much different.

To whit: I give you the digeridoo (top) and the vuvuzela (bottom).

To define the differences first (and they are subtle):

The digeridoo is an Australian aborigine musical instrument. To see this instrument click HERE. To hear this instrument click HERE. To experience the digeridoo watch this:



Got it? I know most of you have probably heard this instrument in a Crocodile Dundee movie or maybe the movie Australia. I doubt you have a digeridoo club in your neighborhood...although that first link above might suggest otherwise. Some may think it is esoteric to say they can play the digeridoo but really, they are just blowing a stick when it comes right down to it. And will NOT get you laid (ala the guitar).

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Now for the digeridoo-wannabe/cousin/ripoff, the vuvuzela. To experience the full World Cup effect turn your speakers up to maximum, put your head right next to them, and watch this:



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Now the digeridoo (this is a really hard word to type...try it) is a hand carved piece of wood instrument, usually eucalyptus tree, that you blow into and create different sounds by how you blow it, how you move your lips, and how you roll your tongue. There are no holes or anything to vary the sound beyond that. Although as you see in the video above moving your hands and fingers along the instrument gives the illusion of altering the sound or just looks disturbingly gay. These instruments come toned in different keys (not sure how this is done) and apparently are sometimes used in ensemble performances. The sound is often hypnotic but I'm sure that only lasts for a short while unless you are under the influence of something mind-altering.

The vuvuzela (slightly easier word to type...but not always) is a piece of molded plastic only slightly resembling a clarinet. It is a kids toy, really. It is made in a factory (so I guess there are jobs at stake if they ban them from the next World Cup) costs about $10 USD (and you have to buy a minimum of 1000) and can also be used to cover your penis if you are inclined to run through the jungle or just want to "cover up".

Who does this guy on the left think he is kidding??? The guy on the right? Doubt it. Is there penis cover envy in the jungle?? Another subject for another time perhaps.

Back to it...

While digeridoos are generally played solo or at most one or two together, the vuvuzela is designed to be abused by 100,000 or so people packed into a soccer stadium for 90 freakin' minutes straight. The general sound while similar is miles apart on the tolerance scale.

I admittedly watched the vuvuzela soccer match for third place between Germany and Uraguay. These freakin' noise makers, and seriously, let's call a spade a spade, were non. stop. for. the. entire. 90 minutes.

My scorecard for the game was as follows:

19th minute - goal Germany
28th minute - goal Uraguay
30th minute - short nap
51st minute - goal Uraguay
56th minute - goal Germany
60th minute - short nap
82nd minute - goal Germany
Germany wins 3-2 by soccer standards this was a barnburner.

I say that to say this...the volume controlled noise from the vuvuzelas actually, gently, helped me drift off to sleep during my naps! Now the people in the stands had their ears bleeding and some probably wanted to turn around and beat the guy behind them to death with his own vuvuzela about, oh, the 45th minute. How does this constant noise not qualify as some sort of voluntary torture? Especially when it is happening in South Africa? Maybe this is Nelson Mandela's revenge for all those years in prison.

All in all I think it is at least interesting that Australia and South Africa share a common musical bond. Though truth be told...I favor the digeridoo.

That is your cultural, musical gift for the day.

I may watch the final tomorrow between Spain and the Netherlands. I always like a good nap on Sunday.