Well it's kind of funny how life is all intertwined...even in the blogosphere. Walmart may not be a sign of the Apocalypse in the traditional sense (is there such a thing?) but it is so damn easy to pluck something out of the gigantor experience that is Walmart. I mean if it is there you have to use it...right?
First I must say that I just read follow blogger BadAss Geek's post on Walmart and agree totally with the personal-space-in-line problem. It must be karma that I also have chosen two Walmart tales of Apocalyptic value to share today. After reading this get on over to BAG's site...it is really a great read. One look at the BAG and you're hooked!
Here are my two tales of Walmart woe:
Chapter one: The Heavy's Have It
I have come to notice that the vast majority of people who shop at the Walmart I use (a fairly new, huge Super Center) are African-American, Hispanic, or Oriental. Nothing against any of them except for the fact that other than the Oriental's, the rest of the customer base (including the white clientele) are mostly heavy-set. Very heavy set.
There are not enough of the little scooters you ride around on so there are always big people sitting on the benches waiting for one to be turned in. The scooters are always roaming the store (usually in every aisle I go down) and it is a giant bumper car game going on here! There is never enough seat for the ass that is sitting on it! Don't these people who make the scooters know that the disability they are serving is obesity?? These people just don't want to walk.
{On a side note, the Furrs cafateria they built when the Walmart was being built has the fattest per table clientele in the city.}
Now Walmart has a sense of humor, because while the grocery aisles are wide enough to accommodate: the scooter gang, the family with 6 kids, the squeaky wheel cart lady who can't hear it (WTF), and me if I move like an NFL running back...the aisles on the textile side of the store are a whole nother ordeal.
You know what I mean...the TP, cleaning product, laundry stuff aisles. Here's the math: the aisles are 6-feet wide, two women each 3-feet wide...talk about damming up the works! They move down the aisle like a glacier, you can't get by and if you say, "excuse me" there is still no place for them to go. And if somebody comes in behind you...you're trapped!
I experienced all this on Sunday. Rule 1 from now on is: get my ass to the store earlier than these people get up.
Chapter two: My Checkout Line Odyssey
This happened a few month back and way before I started this blog but reading the BAG's checkout claustrophobia story brought it all back...even after weeks of repression therapy.
This was a Sunday I went to the Walmart while my wife stayed home. I got done in good time hit the line with only one person in front of me and they did not have much stuff. All in all this day was starting well.
I noticed out of the corner of my eye that some one was entering the line behind me. I couldn't start unloading my cart yet (cause Walmart does NOT believe in spending money on those friggin dividers to separate my shit from your crap) and the whole process in front of me was bogging down for some reason.
I looked behind me and sure enough it was the All-American (well Hispanic) family of seven. 5 kids ranging from new born (the point of the story) up to like, 5 years old. The mobile baby factory was right behind me. Now it got interesting.
I noticed as I moved forward to start unloading that I had plenty of personal and other space between me and the family. As I am unloading the cart I again notice out of the corner of my eye that the father is keeping the kids behind him and the mother (with the newborn) in between me and the father in all that empty space. I was interested. I was sure this was not going to be a robbery.
Then as I reach back for the next items to put on the conveyor, I have to do a double take and then, yes, a stare. This mother is kneeling on the floor in my aisle BREAST FEEDING her baby. Not in some polite mostly covered kind of way but in some third world I-don't-give-a-shit-if you-look kind of way. She was a nice looking lady and had nice boobs,but come on...in MY aisle!
The baby is going to town on the left tittie and I thought WTF is this about! She was down there until I completely finished checking out and started to walk away...a good five minutes.
I am sure the Walmart cameras have incriminating footage of me standing like a dork staring at this action. So before it came out on the internet, I had to go home and tell my wife.
Wow! I need to go take a shower again...I thought I was past this!
No comments:
Post a Comment