The commercial that came on for Charmin shows a Momma bear showing a Baby bear how to look through a telescope...yes, apparently bears know about things like telescopes. The Baby bear is looking through the telescope and sees...no, not the moons of Uranus, but Daddy bear's ass with white paper moons! ) Sounds sorta like a Lucky Charms ad.)
This to me became immediately hilarious. I do not know why as I have seen these commercials for a hundred years. Yet this one led me to think all sorts of weird and unecessary thoughts.
Such As...
*where do these bears buy telescopes...I thought it a logical question, shut up!
*where do these bears buy Charmin...Sam's, Costco, Big Lots??? They have a lot of need!
*where do bears shit in the woods...this commercial makes it look like they climb a tree and shit over a branch!
*where do you find these red-furred bears...in the redwood forest??
*why are there never any piles of bear shit when clearly they have just taken a shit...WOW! This is now officially way too deep.
Okay, the commercial was over long ago, but you get the idea. The biggest question is why did some high-dollar advertising agency think they had a winner on their hands with this line of commercials?
What could have been the runner up commercials?
Seriously, did an ad executive lean back in his chair and have some random-thought dream where the old line, "Does a bear shit in the woods"? popped into his head and he shouts , "Eureka! I've got it!"?
There is no good way to visually sell toilet paper. At the risk of exposing way more about myself than anyone deserves to know, I use Cottonelle. I don't know if I honestly can say I remember a single Cottonelle commercial on TV. I am sure they have had some, but not in recent memory.
I use Cottonelle not because I won't use Charmin. I use Cottonelle for a much closer to home reason...it is the preferred TP of choice by my wife. And I am not buying his and hers toilet paper. As with most guys on this subject, I remain fairly neutral. As long as it is strong enough to keep me from poking my finger through it while wiping (and therefore poking my own shitty ass), I am good with it.
So I guess the real sign of the Apocalypse (if I had to encapsulate it) comes down to asking the objectively-absurd-for-a-higher-intelligence question..."should I buy this toilet paper because it doesn't stick to red bear fur when they shit in the woods".
If the answer is yes...get some help for just pondering that thought, you dumbass! I would assume you will stick with whatever works for you. The only reason Charmin even needs to keep advertising...what a minute...why do they need to keep advertising?
I am now completely out of bear-shit and toilet paper thoughts...thank God!
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Til next Time...keep your powder dry...and watch out for bears in the toilet paper aisle!
1 comment:
Sike...I am taking this one...way funnier.
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