Today's Apocalypse Sign: Some Day's It's Just Too Damn Easy!

Okay, who is this 89 year old whack-job that is trying to ruin my Mayan calendar of the End?

He has calculated that 7000 years to the day (according to him) from the Great Flood, the world...no the universe, will end is a firey blaze. Tomorrow, May 21st. Sorry, he is one year and 7 months off in his calculations.

I have linked to some articles describing divided families, people who have quit their jobs to drive the country saying good bye to loved ones. One guy standing at the US - Mexico border handing out leaflets (what the hell is a tract??) and unable to consider the answer to the question of, "What will you do when Sunday morning arrives?"

Here is the Wrong Reverand Camping telling you himself...

 


Links for your enjoyment:

Parents and Kids Disagree

A Billion Years Too Soon

Zombie Apocalypse


And because the End won't be fun enough...here is a game that will keep you entertained until Sunday:
Choose your own Apocalypse

For you serious religious types I know this piece will calm you down a bit with some good ol' fashioned theo-logic.




Sure hope I get to play the Monday Minute next week!

Today's Apocalypse Sign: Are You My Daddy??

Can somebody tell me why supreme stupidity and "having it all" always seems to go hand in hand? You have Maria Shriver who has always been a stunning women of power, millions many times over from blockbuster movies, a term as Governor of one of the most influential states in the nation, family of four kids... and that's not enough. You have to (and apparently to me it would require an "at gunpoint" scenario) dip your pen in the housekeeper's ink well. Really? The Sperminator??

I cannot imagine what the attraction was to this women (other than the obvious pearl necklace opportunity). Then to top it all off, not using a condom without due regard to the potential "look" of any unplanned offspring.  I have not seen any pictures of the 13 year old love child but the visual in my head is somewhere north of Eric Stoltz in the movie Mask. Disturbing and cruel I call it.

Does no one think that for the last 13 years this kid was getting more and more of the Aaahnold look? The paparazzi must be in a feeding frenzy to get the million dollar lotto win that will be the first pictures of this kid as he is today. Apparently Arnold had the family put up in a $280,000 house just miles from where he lived and dumped tons of cash on the kid.

And I thought I didn't understand Brad leaving Jen for Angelina.

Okay are you ready for the baby result from these two? Here ya go!

Meet Pepe....

Brought to you by MakeMeBabies

Just imagine him being 13 years old now!

If you would like to date her now, here are the vitals...

Mildred Patty Baena - 50

Today's Apocalypse Sign: Father And Daughter Day At Petco

Cornelia getting some groomer lovin' (notice the giant bowl of dog treats she's eying)

With a half-day off today and my wife having to work non-stop this week, I had to use my time wisely. So here was the quick plan to make an afternoon of it.

First: Take a nap. What else can you do at 12:45PM?

Second: Go to Supercuts and get super cut! Actually got an American citizen who spoke English and assuaged my usual Supercut fear of getting a bowl cut no matter what I tell them. She was perky and earned her two dollar tip! Bonus: No waiting...first time ever!

Third: Grab the baby Cornelia and hightail it to Petco for her canned food AND a trip to the groomer for nail trimming. While at Petco she got to walk around the store like a big dog...sniffing all the cat cages, wanting to get in with the ferrets (they wanted no part of that!) and generally creating the oohs and aahs that beautiful Bostons tend to create when they are about town. She even made friends with a rescue (her size) and a giant dog (5 times her size). The store was empty when we got there and bustling with activity when we left. She enjoyed her time with daddy today at the doggie mall.

Fourth: After the Petco trip we drove over to a nearby lake and just slowly drove the shore line. Sizing up a spot for next weeks day out. Bonus: we also found a section at the end of the lake cordoned off as a dog park...with benches, and things to climb on...we may go there next week. But only one dog and Mama is coming too!

Today's Apocalypse Sign: No Sunday Is Complete....

Without the weekend graphs!

Since I have been torturing myself for 2 days trying to remember the post that Blogger deleted (bastards!), I needed the respite provided by touring through the enchanted forest of graphs. And I found these just for you!

Enjoy!


see more Funny Graphs


see more Funny Graphs


see more Funny Graphs


see more Funny Graphs


see more Funny Graphs


see more Funny Graphs

Today's Apocalypse Sign: Could This Be Any More Irresponsible??

Yesterday the first In-N-Out burger place opened up here in North Texas. Allen, TX and Frisco,TX to be precise. Some people waited in line in their cars for up to 2 1/2 hours to get through the drive through. Gas is almost $4 a gallon. Anybody else see this as STUPID?

Don't bitch about gas prices when you are willing to do this for a hamburger.




There is one planned for Garland (where I live) at the Firewheel shopping mall. It will be a big hit but you can bet I won't be sitting in line for any length of time for a hamburger. Since I don't know what I'm missing (someone is going to tell me that, just watch) I think I'll just wait the first wave of insanity out.

And here is a shot I took today of the firewheel flower...it is where many of the places with that name in Garland got their inspiration.

Today's Apocalypse Sign: IS THis Really Setting A Good Example??

For the last week or so NBC has been showing the flood ravaged sections of our country. Particularly along the Mississippi river. These people that live there have truly been through a watery hell.

What I have to ask is this...why the hell do Al Roker and other news personalities think it's a good idea to throw on a pair of waders and get chest deep in river water? I was watching earlier this week on the Today Show and Roker was in up over his hips and the water behind him was moving like an F-1 race car at the speedway!

Don't the authorities tell people to stay OUT of the flood water so they don't get swept away?? Does this mean Al is anchored to the bottom in some fashion?

I personally think it is setting a really bad example to people watching the news. Or kids.

I tried to find a video on youtube and couldn't but I did get this broadcast from the Today Show with Al in the water:

Click here 

You can see the piece of wood behind Al just flowing down the stream A couple other shots show how fast the water is moving but nobody in the water. I really wish I could have found the Peter Alexander one where he is up to his chest in the water.

Come guys, people do enough stupid stuff without you putting ideas in their head.

This has been a public service announcement for those fond of saying, "Hey Bill, ya wanna try that?"

Don't do it.

Today's Apocalypse Sign: Apparently The World Has Gone To The Dogs!

Same friend sent me this one and I had NOT heard it before. Still laughing!

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they struck
up a conversation.

The Black Labrador turned to the yellow Labrador and said, "So why are you here?"
The yellow Lab replied, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything.....the
sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night
when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."
The black Lab said, "So what's the vet going to do?"
"Gonna cut my nuts off" came the reply from the yellow Lab.
"They reckon it'll calm me down."

The Yellow Lab then turned to the Black Lab and asked, "Why are you here?"
The Black Lab said, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and
trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the
carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my
owners' couch."
"So what are they going to do to you?" the Yellow Lab inquired.
"Looks like I'm losing my nuts too," the dejected Black Lab said.

The Black Lab then turned to the Great Dane and asked, "Why are you here?
"I'm a humper", said the Great Dane. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the
cat, a pillow, the table, fence posts, whatever. I want to hump everything I see."
Yesterday my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to
dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and
started hammering away."

The Black and the Yellow Labs exchanged a sad glance and said,
"So, it's nuts off for you too, huh?"

The Great Dane said, "No, apparently I'm here to get my nails clipped."