Today's Apocalypse Sign: Somethings Should Never Be Remade

How many years are required to pass before a movie (classic or otherwise) qualifies to be remade? 10, 20, 30 Years? 50? Is there a standard for this or does it become a matter of when a director feels like it? Does director ego get involved ("I know I can make it better!")? Does better technology and special effects advancement make it ripe for a remake? Or is it simply a lazy way to take a proven formula/story/event and attempt to make a name for themselves?

I say in the main I am no fan of the remake as a general statement. I know this sounds a bit like the start of a Seinfeld bit, but it is the way I feel. To whit...I fell in love with Jamie Lee Curtis as the terrified teen in Halloween. The movie was creepy scary, no over the top gore, a couple hot babes, admittedly campy dialogue, a soundtrack so simple you would never forget it, and Donald Pleasence. I am a fan of Rob Zombie's music but have no desire to warp my Halloween memories by watching his remake of this classic. Regardless of reviews. I believe the original director of Halloween shares my sentiments.

On the other hand a remake of a film like King Kong was a winner for me. Was it because I never saw the original in its original time period (waaay before my time)? Maybe.

So what guides the trend of remakes? Hard to say.

What is not hard to say is that an uber-classic comedy like Arthur should NEVER be allowed to be bastardized in the fashion that is about to be released upon us. It is stupid even if you never saw the original. And quite frankly, why have you not seen the original?

Here is the 1981 trailer from the greatest Dudley Moore movie ever. I quote it constantly. The synopsis following is from the Blockbuster.com site.




Synopsis of Arthur - 1981
The ads for Arthur suggested that this was an obnoxious film about an obnoxious man, an eternally drunken millionaire indulging his every whim. Instead, Arthur (Dudley Moore) is a sweet, somewhat pathetic character whose millions have left him lonely and with no motivation in life. When the film opens, Arthur is on the threshold of an arranged marriage with simpering socialite Susan (Jill Eikenberry), whom he does not love. Everyone expects Arthur to behave himself, but nobody truly cares for his well-being, with the exception of father-figure butler Mr. Hobson (John Gielgud, who won an Oscar for his performance) and blue-collar shoplifter Linda (Liza Minnelli). Arthur would prefer to marry the lowly Linda, but his iron-willed grandmother (Geraldine Fitzgerald) threatens to pull the plug on his huge inheritance if he doesn't honor his position in life and go through with his marriage to Susan.

Now here is the ghastly trailer from the 2011 stupid-fest. Helen Mirren stooped down from Oscar heights to play a female nanny named Hobson. For that casting alone the director should get an Oscar for ruining the memory of Oscar winners Mirren and Gielgud. Luis Guzman in the role of Bitterman, are you serious. Russell Brand is a total fop as Arthur. This movie has "giant suck" written all over it.



Synopsis of Arthur - 2011
The immature heir to a billion-dollar empire finds himself cut off from the family fortune after rejecting his arranged marriage to a nouveau riche socialite, and instead falling for a shoplifting waitress in this remake of the sentimental 1981 comedy starring Dudley Moore. Arthur (Russell Brand) was raised in the lap of luxury. His family is wealthy beyond compare, and ever since he was a child his every whim has been catered to by his nanny, Hobson (Helen Mirren), and his chauffeur, Bitterman (Luis Guzman). But the party starts to wind down when Arthur's domineering mother (Geraldine James) insists that he marry Susan (Jennifer Garner), the daughter of a self-made millionaire (Nick Nolte) who isn't above intimidating his future son-in-law into marriage. Vehemently opposed to the idea due to the fact that he and Susan have nothing in common, Arthur rejects the proposal after falling in love with Linda (Greta Gerwig), an outspoken restaurant server with a penchant for petty larceny. As a result, Arthur's inheritance is rescinded, leaving him to try and function among the working class to the best of his capabilities. Television veteran Jason Winer (Modern Family) directs from a script by Peter Baynham (Brüno, Borat). ~ Jason Buchanan, Rovi

Hang your head Jason Winer and Peter Baynham...this is low moment in what studios think is good movie making. This is knock-off trash that I wouldn't see for $750 million dollars. Excue me now, I have to go throw up.