Todays Apocalypse Sign: Need For A Parenthood Test

There are probably many reasons that would/could/should justify the need for a parenthood test. That is, the fitness of one or both people to actually be a parent. I am talking about for the safety of the child (or in Kate's case, ocho ninos).

We have all read and heard about horrific things that have happened to children. If we were talking about sea turtles we would call it natural selection, but we are talking about small humans with each one having the possiblity of becoming something great (curing cancer, solving any number of the worlds problems, etc.). After all, sea turtles can only be, ya know, a sea turtle. Too much of the time it is through the bold ignorance of adults that bad things happen to children.

Invariably in most major cities there is a news story once or twice a week about child tragedy of some kind. Unfortunate accidents, while sad, happen to young and old a like. Put whatever name to that you like (fate, coincidence, God's will), it is a part of life. The preventable tragedy is the worst.

In Big D we have had our fair share of stories centered around children and bizarre behavior by adults trusted to keep them safe. But two items from the recent news have almost led me to take up a crusade for "parent fitness testing" couples BEFORE they are allowed to have kids. Seriously. Sort of a "no pass - no play" rule for adults.

Both stories share the same basic scenario - children left in vehicles.

The first one I have to say I would consider another party guilty in the second degree. The lady was spending the day driving around checking out rent houses...and left her kids in the car while she checked out the house! Each time she met the owner who did nothing about the fact she was leaving the kids in the car.

She was at one house for 45 minutes and never came out to check on them and fortunately some good citizen called the police when they saw this. In this day and age when children are stolen right off the street in the blink of an eye, there is no excuse for making it easier for child predators...oh yeah, she had left the car unlocked. In regards to the parent test: Verdict (in the words of the great Soup Nazi) "No Children for you, go to jail one year!"

The second story clearly categorizes this guy as a Moron, with a capital M. This genius decided since he had the kids for the night and he couldn't leave them home alone (of course not!) he leaves them in his car while he goes into...a strip club.

Not some upscale, valet-parking strip club but one where not all the parking lot lights work, ya know what I mean? He is in the club for three hours!!! When the cops came and he got busted, he claimed he just stopped to make a phone call. Yeah, right and several lap dances later...

This guy clearly should have had his dick nailed to a tree when he turned 18. A friend of mine claims this to be the surest form of keeping dumbasses from procreating. In this case, I might have to agree.

Fortunately all turned out alright for the children. However I can't help but think that between now and the end of September, during the baking heat of a DFW summer, at least one child will die from being left in a car. It happens every year. The test would help prevent this tragedy.

So I say keep your eyes open for your chance to be a hero because this is a nationwide problem. We have to look out for those that can't help themselves. Those of you who are parents know this.