Today’s Apocalypse Sign: K Is For Kava

While in Fiji in June my wife and I (along with the entire group of people we'll be with) will take part in a traditional Kava ceremony. So in honor of the letter K, today is Kava.

Piper Methysticum (Kava plant)

The Kava ceremony is an old social tradition. It is prepared and served in a social ceremony that usually leads to much conversation and the telling of stories. The effects are a numbing of the tongue and mouth as well as a numb feeling in the stomach that is sometimes a little odd-feeling to the uninitiated.  However it leaves the mind alert and loosens the tongue, hence the story-telling late into the evening.

For more information on kava effects. And to buy Kava for your own at-home ceremony.

We may do more than one ceremony so if I become worshipped as the White God Who Tells Great Stories, I may not be coming back.

If not, I hope I am not part of a random drug test my first day back at work.

BULA! everyone.

Today's Apocalypse Sign: J Is For Japan

Today the letter J can only be for Japan.

This tiny country is being ravaged by what seems to be never ending after shocks (i.e. earthquakes) since the major tsunami-inducing quake a month ago. Thursday spawned another large 7.4 magnitude earthquake in northern Japan. The pictures of the wide-spread disaster makes me wonder if this great society will be rebuilt in our lifetime.

There is an estimated 26,000 dead (12,000 confirmed and 14,000 missing and presumed dead). The Fukushima nuclear plant continues to be at a critical stage. It is leaking into the ocean and the atmosphere where future damage is unclear. But radiation is never good.




I know my blogger friend Pat Tillett and his wife have close ties with her family in Japan and I hope and pray that they are all okay. See his post on Japan.

There really is nothing else to say but that this needs to end soon. The earth has really ben rearranging itself quite a lot recently. Were the Myans right?

Today's Apocalyse Sign: I is For "It Is What It Is"

"I wish this non-sensical saying banned from the societal vernacular immediately." (Vigorously rubbing magic genie lamp.)

I struggled with an idea for an "I" post today. Then in one spewing sentence, someone who I have repeatedly told I would stuff in the dumpster if they ever said it to me again...said it to me again. "Well Chuck, it is what it is." He never even realized he said it to me. That is how much THAT conversation was valued. It was quite sad.


Why? It means so friggin' little that it has become the conversation  filler on the level of those wretched "um's", "ah's" and "ya know's" that people with no continuous thought stream torture us with daily during speeches, interviews, and episodes of Cops while they think of their next thing to say.
 
I hate this saying. A lot. Some people think they are being analytical or mystical when they say it. They believe it makes them profound and worth listening to. It makes them a shallow fucking idiot. Nothing more.

Business gurus latched on these 5 words and now almost any business self-help book is laced with them from beginning to end.

In taking a look at this ridiculous mantra in the objective, it is almost always a lie. Very seldom is it what it is. Would MacGyver have lived past the first episode if he believe this, NO. Would Chuck Norris likely bitch-slap someone who said these words...Hell Yeah! Same with Rambo (or Rocky). And most importantly if the saying "it is what it is" were truely excuse worthy, would the Green Bay Packers ever have won the Super Bowl this year...NO.

Would most of our greatest inventions have come about if the brilliant minds had simply fallen back on, "it is what it is", I doubt it. In fact it is the exact opposite thinking that resulted in another well-worn saying, "think outside the box". People who believe "it is what it is" are STUCK in the box. With non-biodegradable packing peanuts, for all time.

You see, I view this as an expression of giving up, accepting ones fate of the moment (or their lives), and a cop-out for trying to find a solution. It is the lazy man's walk through life. In the purest sense it is anti-American. To the people who live in cardboard shacks across the Rio Grande from El Paso and the people in most Middle Eastern countries it is acceptance of their lives as they are. There is nothing to aspire to in their countries. It is mostly survival. Theirs is a generation to generation of "it is what it is". This is not to disparage anyone from these countries but frankly I doubt they would disagree with me.

Personally this saying has no place in the richest country on earth. With all of our political woes and economic issues, anyone with the will, stands the best chance of being whatever they want to be, with their feet planted on American soil. I say we change the saying starting today...not "it is what it is" but "it isn't now but it will be".

I really don't ever want to hear this again.

And that's what it is.

**I will try to make this my only rant during the A-Z Challenge, no promises though.

Today's Apocalypse Sign: We Have A College Hoops Champion AND The Weekend Graphs!

Well we are through the first full week of the A-Z Challenge. Visting a lot of blogs and checking out the great posts.

Now is the time for a little levity...and the Weekend Graphs!

Enjoy....



see more Funny Graphs


see more Funny Graphs


see more Funny Graphs


see more Funny Graphs


see more Funny Graphs

Today's Apocalypse Sign: H Is For Hyperbole...And A Half!

Today I'm going to take a page from Alex J. Cavanaugh's book (NOT Cassastar but his A-Z theme). And even though this blogger has no real need for my two cents worth to increase her readership or following, I feel Hyperbole And A Half is so awesome, Allie Brosh deserves a shout out.

I discoverd this blog a little over a year ago (not long after starting mine). I found her posts hilarious and her talent with Paint to be quite artistic. At that time she had a decent following and a good amount of comments. Her posts were fairly frequent then and absolutely hilarious. The Spaghatta Nadle series made me laugh my ass off and for weeks I effected the speech of the Nadle. Even when talking to my dogs.

Seriously, read this, this, this, and this,oh yeah and this  and try it. I'll eat a noodle if you don't attempt it as well. There is more than these 5 posts (just a couple)  but you can discover them on your own. A year ago she was getting 30 - 40 comments.

Fast forward to present. Allie's posts are now sometimes a month apart. You know how the experts say if you want to grow your followers and page visits you have to post often. Well, Allie defies that logic. I have seen her posts in recent times get as many as 400 comments within two hours of being posted. Her last post which is this great childhood story was posted on February 22nd. It received 1113 comments from then until March 8th.

But that is not the awesome part. She has blown up to over 51,000 followers and has had over 70 million page loads. All in less than two years since her blog kicked off.

Please go give her a read. I swear if you have never been to her blog, once you get started reading her posts 2 hours can get away from you real quick. But they are enjoyable hours...unless you are a zombie, have no sense of humor, or have been eaten by a bear-shark. Here are some links to my favorite posts:

** Fun With A Brick
**Texas
**Pain Scale
**Fish
**Alot
**The Party
there are tons more!

{No Allies were harmed in the writing of this post...although I am in awe of her.}

Picture of Allie action figure stolen from Allie's blog by Apocalyptic Ninjas

Today's Apocalypse Sign: The "G" Spot

Seriously, you thought this was going to be a post on sex!!!

This is going to be the challenging weekend of the A-Z Challenge. I have to work all weekend AND The Masters golf tournament is on. Today is round two of the tournament so the G-spot today is Golf in Augusta, GA. Tiger Woods will be in the feature group and his whole round should be on TV. The DVR will be working overtime this week capturing roughly 24 hours of golf!

The Masters is one of the four major golf tournaments each year that are most coveted by all professional golfers (and the amateurs that qualify toplay in it). It is the one Major that starts the season and is played at the same course since its inception back in 1934 by the great golfer, Bobby Jones. This is the top major tournament that golfers like me would rather watch than go out and play a round.

The golf course itself is stunning. Every hole is named for the flora that surrounds it. The grass is surreally green. You almost smell the magnolias as the camera pans down the entrance to the course. The putting surfaces are fast as counter tops and precariously pitched to put a premium on shot making.

Tiger Woods' shot in this video was absolutely phenomenal. Even if you are not a golfer you can appreciate thousands of people with all eyes trained on you waiting to explode, hoping for that great shot. Maybe they made the earth vibrate just enough to...well I won't spoil it. Take a look.



My bucket list includes a round of golf at Augusta. All the money in the world won't buy anyone a round there...you have to be invited by a member or you can't play. A friend of mine got to play there 10 or 12 years ago and he said it was almost a spiritual event.

Today's Apocalypse Sign: F Is For Fiji

Well I am down to 60 days from my vacation of a lifetime in Fiji. No worries...not flying Southwest for any part of the trip!

A little more than a year ago my wife was selected at her dive shop to lead a week-long dive trip to Fiji. The usual stipulation...fill the trip and you go free. Well, she's great at selling these trips and soon had booked 24 people (now up to 30). More than enough to get the free trip for her. What came next was all her idea.

One day while she was at work she called me and said those magical mystical words, "Honey, I just had a great idea." I usually love it when she says that, so of course I respond, "Really? What is it". She said she had been figuring that if she started applying her sales commissions  towards the price of the trip, that I could go too! Besides, when the trip takes place, it will be right after my birthday and during the week of our 10th wedding anniversary so we could just wrap that all into one exotic vacation. I knew the trip cost around $2900 and she figured at least half of it would be paid using her commissions by the time the full amount had to be paid. We could pay the balance with part of our IRS gift. Plus any extra we could set aside throughout the year would be for the trip. This was now a doable deal.

When the time came to pay for the trip she had actually covered all but $1086 using her commissions. the rest came out of the IRS refund and the trip is on! She had been getting airfare alerts for 3 months on flights to LAX since we both had to foot that bill. She finally got an alert for $460 total for both of us and booked the non-stop flights. What a steal!

Then one of the best parts for me...I had to have a new camera for the trip. (My wife immediately called me a camera-whore...WTF!) I even posted about it since I was now diving into the world of DSLR's. After much input from some of my blogging friends and a lot of Internet research, I settled on the Nikon D3100 w/18-55mm lens kit as my starter camera. A bargain at $579. Best part of all...it came in yesterday!

I'll share some great shots when I return.

The camera is awesome, the trip is going to be awesome, and my wife is awesome. Tough combination to beat. Can't wait for June 9th!