Today's Apocalypse Sign: Why Didn't I Think Of That!

If I could tell you how many great ideas I have been late to the party with...well it would pretty much be all of them, ever. But no matter, I have been scooped once again!

While in the local Walmart the other night doing a his and hers tandem-Wednesday-night-grocery-shopping rarity... breathe... I found the latest and great thing. This is it! (sorry for the cheap phone pix)

Individual portions of the spices needed to make the dish!

And...the recipe and cooking instructions on the back!

Let's count the ways this is great:

1. For $2.28 you get the spices you need for this meal rather than like $20 for the large bottles of each spice.

2. They are pre-measured so no trying to figure out the difference between tablespoon and teaspoon.

3. The recipe is on a sturdy card you can keep for future use.

4. Even a cooking savant like me can probably do this right!

I'll be making this bad boy Sunday night, I'll let you know how it turns out.

Oh yeah, and I'm really pissed I missed the genius boat again with this simple idea. Maybe I'm too complex

and need to dumb myself down a bit...do ya think?

What great ideas have YOU had just a little too late??

Today's Apocalypse Sign: Things I'm Done With

I woke up Sunday morning to my alarm clock (WTF!) and immediately heard something that made me want to hurl my clock radio across the room. That inspirational moment led to this post. I got up, went to the computer and started jotting down things "I am done with".

I now present those things in no particular order:

1. "It is what it is" I swear if I hear this one more time I am going to take a life. These five words are for people who cannot hold a discussion or even a general conversation. They are not even a truism! In fact, what the fuck does this even mean??? Example: ME: "Dude, your cat got run over by a car." DUMBASS FRIEND: "I know man, it is what it is." I am lividly pissed just typing this one. Most things are not a resolution to what they currently are. In fact this phrase is a sign of giving up or in. Get away from me.
2. Morning breath denial. I am so tired of watching commercials, shows, movies, etc. where people just waking up hold a five minute conversation 1-inch from each other. I know it's acting but it is giving real people the okay to do it on a daily basis. Get real and just have them lay back talk to the ceiling like normal people.
3. People who mistreat children. This is a no brainer but after hearing something new week after week I have reached the end. Here in Dallas this last week some father (and I use that term very loosely) was sentenced to 99 years for his crime. The crime? He locked his three kids in a hotel bathroom for a year! Read the story here. People like this should be euthanized, just like the grizzly bear that attacked that family last week. At least the bear did what bears do protecting their cubs. This piece of shit told police he didn't know how he woke up in bed having sex with the 11-year old girl. Some people are not fit to be parents or apparently, alive.
4. Motley Crue's 'Girls, Girls, Girls". I never want to hear this song again. The radio still plays it so much I am starting to feel physically ill when I hear it. I don't even want to hear it while drunk in a strip club...not that that would even happen. Again.
5. Male enhancement ads. How gay do you have to be to do a commercial like this, "I remember rooming with 4 girls in med school and listening to them talk about their men. It's not length they wanted it was thickness and width." And then based on that "scientific study" he says he developed a product that will do just that. WTF times 10!  And apparently you cannot patent this snake oil because there are at least 15 ads for this stuff on the radio everyday. I must say I always did enjoy the smiling Bob commercials on TV...they found the plainest guy and the ugliest women to use in those spots and it always made me laugh.
6. The BP Oil Mess. How come the smartest people on the planet couldn't come up with a solution faster than 3+ months into this disaster. And now it seems people in BP and the government are already starting to say: the oil is disappearing, fishing grounds are open again, mother nature will clean up after us like she always has, etc. Please stop bullshitting us we are not ALL stupid and we don't feel better about it.
7. Pussy-footing around with Osama Bin Laden. I recently watched a show on how we have tried TEN TIMES to literally assassinate this wackjob. We missed, botched, stopped short (wasn't that George's dad's move?), or gave up each time. The first attempt was an L-shaped assault of Bin Laden's 3 car convoy. Simple and to the point, Noooooooooo, they fuckin' missed! They shot the hell out of the vehicles, blew up the one NOT carrying Osama, and could not. even. shoot. out. the. tires on the other two!!!! It was the funniest sad thing I ever watched. Someone needs to come up with a plan, see it through, and don't worry, the collateral damage will be forgotten about in a shorter time period than the war has taken so far. In the words of Larry the Cable guy, "Gitter done!"
8. Lindsey Lohan. Nuff said.

I am sure there is much more that I am done with, but I guess that will have to be for another day.

What are some of the things you're done with?? Let me know.

Today's Apocalypse Sign: I Expose Myself To The World (for Lucy)

I have always been hypercritical of my photography, especially shots that I thought were somewhat good. So tonight I cast that fear aside and post my photography for all to see!

The original photo I had as a header to this blog came from an afternoon, late December walk, in northern Ohio circa 2008. I was home for Christmas and with snow on the ground I wanted to get some shots out behind my mother's house where a triple set of tracks separates two neighborhoods. I wanted to shoot some black and white and some limited color shots.

When I gave out my EOD award the other day, I got a comment from Lucy at Pictures Just Pictures. She remarked on how she had liked the original header I had on this blog and hoped I would bring it back some day. I told her I would share some of those pictures and now here they are:

Click to enlarge.

My original blog header

 

Middle of the Road

The Track Less Traveled

The Path

Train vs ATV (see the face on the front of the train)

And for a little fun...What says the holidays like candles and Crown!

I hope you have enjoyed these...I know it's weird looking at winter pictures in the heat of summer!

Today's Apocalypse Sign: Here We Are At 100 Posts

I have had this post brewing for a week now and it's a little late but no worries...

Technically this post is really 101 but it is the celebration of all things One Hundred. With that in mind I shall not wax nostalgic, but rather entertain and possibly confound.

I started this blog in Jauary with a diatribe on the Haitian disaster (is anyone even talking about it any more...it's only been 6 months) and now it appears they have given up. If the Dominican Republic has any sense they will lay a huge row of massive explosives along the border between those two countries and set Haiti adrift. There is no hope. You heard it here first.

Okay, I waxed a little nostalgic for a minute. I will leave the early musings of this blog to those who wish to explore them at their leisure.

Alright, celebration of all things One Hundred:

* I would like to live to at least this age (preferrably 200) and feel no worse than I do now.

* 100 pennies make a dollar, 100 dollars makes, well $100. And so on...you get the idea. Pick up that penny on the ground, dumbass!

* 100 bottles of beer on the wall...great drinking song, stupid practical idea. Why put them on the wall, why not just call some friends, have a party, and drink them?

* 100 calories seems to be a mystical number. Remember the 100-calorie packs of cookies and crackers? Just meant you would eat 3 of those packs rather than one long package out of a box. Yes, THEY really think we are that stupid.

* Following 100 blogs. That's just impossible...like the four minute mile or space travel.

* 100 minutes...well that just doesn't make sense or mean anything.

* 100 blog followers. The first major triple-digit milestone, if you are into that sort of narcissistic stuff. And who among us isn't? Really.

* The Hundred Years War. Was that even real??? Who could still be that mad after a century? I'll bet it was just an excuse to party.

* Bowling a 100 game. WTF...this only earns you jeers from your friends and possibly strangers on the next lane. Get a Wii and practice why don't cha!

* Having a 100-win season in baseball...yep, that'll get to the playoffs every time.

* 100 decibels of sound. A subway or a power mower will create this for ya. And keep the in-laws away.

* 100 bank failures this year! Congratulations you morons...

* The Mormon Tabernacle Choir has reached 100 years of recordings. How many songs could THAT be???

* Billboards Hot 100 hits. Who doesn't like listening to music...a lot.

* 100 MILESTONE DOCUMENTS OF AMERICAN HISTORY. Everything from the Declaration of Independence (1776) to the Voting Rights Act (1965).

Time to stop since I am wandering all over the place with this. Though come to think of it, I do a bit of wandering all the time on this blog anyway. I still feel very fluid and drift in and out of subject matter for my posts. I appreciate all of you who read when you can, I really appreciate those who take the time to comment (especially if you follow tons of blogs). As you can see I am fairly unorganized in my blog layout but I have always been a "throw a lot of pieces on the floor and then see what happens" kind of person. At least it will be fun figuring it out! Starting and continuing this blog for 6 months is a major accomplishment since I never know if what I have to say on any given post resonates with my readers.

Anyway, I've decided I will just do my thing as the winds of fate blow, and whatever happens, happens. I don't even know what the hell that means!!!

At least the graphs are a hit!

On to 200!

Today's Apocalypse Sign: The Monday Minute

Once again my contribution to the Monday Minute. These are starting to be reflective on my after work mood on Monday. Very cathartic.

Here goes:


- Describe your life in one word.

Spatchcocked...it's my clean word for the F-word. And it made me laugh for 6 months straight as I used it several times a day...try it!


- Is there something you wish you had learned how to do as a child?

Roll the perfect smoke...it's a skill that always impresses. And Debbie Hines would have been my 5th grade girlfriend then! Bitch.


- Who has been the biggest influence on your life?

Gee there have been so many...but I'm going with Hunter S Thompson!






- What is your greatest dream/hope/aspiration?

I dream and I hope I don't aspirate in my sleep. Such a tragic way for John Bonham to die. And I had tickets to the Zeppelin show that fall. Dammit!

 

-Do you believe you have reached your potential? Why/why not?

Excuse me? This is formed as an essay question and I'm potentially too tired for that! And since for me my potential is a daily thing, I have been all I can be today.

Goodnight! 

Today's Apocalypse Sign: The Weekend Graphs Are Here!

Time again to delight and entertain the blog readers. I am sure you will find something or maybe a couple things that will make you laugh or at least go, "aha!" Enjoy this weeks graphs!




see more Funny Graphs


see more Funny Graphs


see more Funny Graphs


see more Funny Graphs


see more Funny Graphs

Today's Apocalypse Sign: The First EOD Awards

I have always thought of blogger awards as the Merit Badges of The Internet. I will say I was truly honored when Pat Tillet bestowed upon me the glorious White Russian Award you see to the left. This was doubly special because Pat had created this award and I was in a select group to receive one of the first few given out.

As I follow various blogs and scan their sidebars, I see numerous and varied blog awards that have been passed around (some multiple times) and see them as a sign of a particular blog's popularity. This by no means has a related converse, that is there are many popular blogs (as determined by the number of followers) that have relatively few awards posted. I suppose some bloggers prefer to keep their sidebars relatively clutter-free (for page loading speed) but I more likely am seeing blogs whose circle of readers do not participate as often in the awarding process.

Who the hell am I! Sigmund Bloggin' Freud! Where did that psycho-babble come from?? Holy Shit!

Okay, I think I have snapped out of it. I have been doing a bit of dabbling with paint.net (since I am not shelling out for Photoshop at this point in time) and decided to create my own award. My first trial using this program was to give my blog header a photo-makeover. I created the sort of "napalm in the morning" fire and brimstone look. Turned out okay. Then I turned my limited creative side loose and created a simple yet functional award button. I am so proud.

Drum roll please....I give you the very first End Of Days award and the very first recipients of said award:

There are no rules for this award (Linking it back to me would be nice) and you may pass it on to those you feel deserve it. The only thing I ask for those who get this award, is to post on their blog a short summation of what they would do if they knew the Mayans were right about 12.21.2012. There is a counter on the upper right of this blog that is counting down the days to that date. It's kind of like the line in the movie Speed or the lunch time poll question in Heathers..."What WOULD you do?"
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Award recipients are:

These are the blogs I enjoy the most who follow me:

Pat Tillet ~ One of my very first followers (if not the first). I have tried to learn the blogging ropes from reading his blog, The stories, the pictures, the poetry, Pat's blog is one that will addict you fast. Read all the boot camp stories and you'll never leave!

Badass Geek ~ I wish I could remember how I found his blog but now it really doesn't matter. Read this post and you'll be a reader for life. I love the life lesson insights.

Not Worth Mentioning ~ Oh contraire... very worth mentioning. If it is out there, Jesse will find it and shove it right in your face. You could quit school and learn all you need to survive, at his blog. If you want to go to Hell, go now.

The Non-Review ~ TS was my second follower (or tied with Pat maybe). His blog is the staple of my daily reading. From the movie reviews to some of your favorite diseases talking back, his blog never disappoints. And his games are fun too!

Oh Shoot Photography ~ Vickie takes some of the most amazing photographs. Her site is a place to just scroll through and enjoy views of the world. She inspires me in the macro art. She also really hates the cable guy. Go give her a visit!

Enter The Man Cave ~ Geof, dude, this site is badass. From booze reviews to movies to sports to Peeps, this blog is fresh, funny and full of useful information. Run don't walk to the ETMC!

Pictures Just Pictures ~ Lucy from the UK is also an unbelievably creative photo-artist. Her eye for things is truly a gift. She has not been too active in a while but I would be remiss for not recognizing her work and honoring her as one of my first followers.

Veritable Ally ~ Ally is one of my newest followers and for the life of me I cannot figure out how she found my blog. I guess that is the fickle nature of the blogsphere! She's young, hot, and Down Under...do you need to know anything else?? Seriously, her blog makes me laugh and feel younger so it's good stuff. Check her out.

Just The Cheese ~ Powdered Toast Man, Jamie, has the blog to test your knowledge. Whether it's triva contests (I am a font of useless shit) or movie contest (I suck so bad I can't even enter) you will be back again and again. Anyone that will post a picture of themselves on a horse that's wearing a diaper while sporting an I Am Sam helmet is a cool dude in my book! Give him a spin!

Alex J Cavanaugh ~ Alex hooked me with his Dirty Dozen Movie Review bloghop. He is an author of a sci-fi (not the lame SyFy) book, CassaStar, I will buy when it comes out. His blog is all things sci-fi, movie, music, games, etc. And his site just looks very 2001 Space Odyssey cool.

Us And Them ~ Captain Dumbass was also one of my first followers. His blog about the trials and tribulations of his family and his newest baby are hilarious. The nicknames for all his family members are great. This post nearly made me spit milk! Dude you are having a great time!

Mepsipax ~His friend call him Dick...all three of them. This is not your mother's blog for sure. When you need a little adult-time R-rated release...Dick does not disappoint. Although you may need to wash your eyes out with soap when you leave. Check this out!

Insolence Is Bliss ~Stormy Cruz, I must say, is a hot name for a dancer OR a hostess on Carnival Cruise lines...and yet she is a brilliant word-performer. Her blog and the list of things she will not tolerate touch me deeply. I give you a sample WoW. This link is R-rated so just let your self go...it is not crude and all the words are spelled and used correctly. She is fanatical about that!

Daily Dose of Reality ~ Ian reeled me in with the Monday Minute. One day a week I am possessed like Exorcist and lose myself in this fun little romp. Can't hurt that it is on Monday. His blog has a variety of  things to keep you interested and entertained plus he is a humanitarian...just read the Mission Monkey posts. Makes him a good guy in my book.
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These are the blogs I enjoy the most that don't currently follow me:

Sassy Curmudgeon ~ Una Lamarche writes for the Huffington Post and scratches out one of the funniest blogs on the planet. Her prose makes me in awe at times. Other times I just laugh my ass off. Read Buckwheat and you'll never be the same!

Rock N Roll Gourmet ~ Smokin' hot and she cooks great food! Her husband is a lucky guy. Except he doesn't always eat what she cooks. Her site has great recipes, super photography of said recipes, and knives. I have tried a couple of the recipes and they were fantastic even with my limited cooking skills...I can READ though! Go for the food...stay for entertainment.

Nat The Fat Rat ~ I have to say I am enamoured by Nat and the Holbs, but then shouldn't we be? I do not do her prose and the use of the English language justice. This fun little odyssey from NYC to Moscow, ID and back to NYC, traces the escapades of Nat (with fetus), The Holbsbarrister, Peter Pan, and Barnaby McDuff as they head back to NYC for the finishing touches on the Holbs jurisprudence education. She is funny and has a truly heart-warming style of writing that just won't let you go.

Franks Funnies ~ Stuff Frank finds funny is usually stuff I find funny. Go check him out and see if there;s something funny for you too!

Blackberries To Apples ~ I have been reading this blog since it was a Blog of Note almost a year ago. Meghan is a southern belle who was smitten by the Big Apple and moved to New York City to live, a couple years ago. She writes about her transformation to a big city girl and all things Gaga. She recently took a 10 hour trip on the cheap from NYC to NO, check this clip out.

Work Forced ~ A guide to understanding the office work environment and corporate structure...in a very humerous way! Learn the lingo and then dive right in!

Hyperbole And A Half ~ You better wear a Depends when you hit this site. Her posts have become fewer and farther between but when she posts she can hit 300 comments in less than 3 hours and the last couple posts had over 800 comments! The art she does in Paint and the stories, imagination, and writing are so impressive and funny you can get stuck on this site for hours. Her character of a spaghetti noodle with a speech impediment is the funniest thing I have ever read, go read all 6 parts. And her 7 Games You Can Play With A Brick is brilliant. Get to reading her now.


Folks, I believe that is all for this round of the EOD Award. As you can see my tastes are all over the map (literally, from NYC to Moscow, ID). The central theme of all these sites can be summed up in great writing and great photography. I hope you will do yourself a favor and check out any of the above you have not already hitched your wagon to.

I look forward to reading what you will do with YOUR final days!

Thanks for being here....