Today's Apocalypse Sign: I Cooked The Best Thanksgiving Turkey Ever and Black Friday

Thanks to my friend over at the Rock N Roll Gourmet I made the best turkey a Thanksgiving in this here house has ever seen.

The hand-rubbed seasoned beginning (note the neck peeking out at the right)

And the final crispy treat (the neck is now on the left)

Add to this I made my famous candied yams, sprinkled in a few other standard side dishes, a dash of good friends, then to top it all off...a resounding gridiron victory by my unstoppable Packers and you have a day that could not have gotten any better. My wife and her girlfriends headed out to see the latest Twilight fiasco movie and my brother and I couch-potatoed all three football games (in between nibbling leftovers). It was all good.

BLACK FRIDAY

I totally am out on any Black Friday shopping at all. However since our DVD player finally refused to play movies any longer, a replacement was necessary. My wife wanted to get a Blu-Ray DVD player. Figuring there had to be some deals at the Fry's across the road, I made my game plan. Leaving (almost) nothing to chance, I decided there was no way I was going in blind to the electronics ring of hell that is Frys. No sane person would.

Since I was working yesterday I took the opportunity after lunch to checkout Fry's web site. I knew all the little ruses they would try on me (good deal but no in store pickup, etc.)...after 10 minutes I found a Blu-Ray player for $99 and available at the store across the street. I ordered it for in-store pick up and was instructed to not leave for the store yet until I had received a confirmation email that the item had indeed been available and was marked with my name for immediate pickup. Ten minutes later I got the email, so with 20 minutes elapsed completing my game plan, I headed out for the store telling my co-worker, "I'll be back in 30 minutes". She laughed so hard at this I thought she would choked on her turkey. Having no time to consider if I would be needed for the Heimlich, I left.

In the car and five minutes to Fry's I found a parking space on the side of the store no one ever comes in on. Out of the car and into the store I follow the directions on my email, "proceed directly to the audio/video podium where one of our friendly salesman will help you".  Of course the store was buzzing like ants on a hot day. Walking apace to the back of the store where the audio/video section was, I handed my receipt and confirmation email to the clerk and said, "Gimme". Stage one complete.

He looked at the papers I handed him and because Fry's hires from the league of nations, he must have been confused by the term "Gimme" and handed all the papers to the other third-world employee there with him. After a short minute or two, the second person (nice young lady) handed the papers back to me and told me to proceed to register 17...at the front of the store. I said hold on, I don't want to stand in that long line (presumably) for something I had already paid for and just needed to pick up and fast-track my ass back home. She said no worry, just go to the front of the line (isn't that a form of attempted suicide on Black Friday) and go directly to register 17 for the will-call.

Off I go wondering if I need to pick up a weapon of some sort before I try line jumping. I bypass that thought and just walk straight up the line to the register director. I tell him I am to go to register 17 and pick up my online order. Clearly I was in command because even though some one was already at the register he said okay, go.

I get to register 17 and give the papers to the guy there. I see the will-call shelves behind him but even I can tell there is no box containing a Blu-Ray player on the shelf. I am girding myself for what I know is coming. He walks down 15 registers to the security cages apparently asking them if they have see my Blu-Ray player. Then he walks all the way back to me only to tell me its not up here. I stupidly knew this was coming and immediately spit out, "can you not call some one from the audio/video department and have them bring one up here (like they should have already done!!)". He replied, "no, you'll have to take these papers back to them and have them get it for you." Easier to get OUT of Iran without a visa or passport then get a freakin' Blu-Ray player today!.

I complete the circle and end up all the way back at the audio/video desk...again. Same guy/gal combo is there and now I am a little worn. I tell the gal the idiot guy at register 17 said there was no product up there and I needed to come back here to get it. I finished that sentence with, "I don't know why he couldn't have called back here and had one brought up front." To which she replied, "oh he could have". To which I replied, "that's what I thought!" Bastards!

She then takes matters into her own hands and goes to the shelf and gets my item. Telling me I need to take it back to...register17! Fuck ME!!!

Attempting to line-jump twice on Black Friday, especially with a product in hand this time, was sure to end ugly. I only needed one word to tip me over at this point. Fortunately the line was short and was moving quickly so I took my place and it wasn't two minutes later I am standing back at #17. Now the guy is ringing it up and telling me the price is $108.95. I said I already paid for it online. He says, "No, that's just to hold it." I'm thinking, How about I just hold your neck for a minute. I give him my card and ID, sign the ticket and I'm gone.

Back at work in less than thirty minutes (I tell you I was power walking through the store!). My co-worker could not believe I had completed the whole process in less than an hour.

I said it could have been 15 minutes less but whatever.

Do you have a Black Friday story??