Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Today's Apocalypse Sign: Burnin' Down The House (of Worship)




Well you cannot get more Apocalyptical than church burnings.

East Texas has been the scene of numerous church arsons over the last few months. I live in Dallas so this is constantly in the news. There was no pattern or group claiming these fires in the name of Allah or any other reason. This was the work of two wacked young men who apparently had nothing better to do.



Mr I-Want-To-Look-Like-A-Toupee-Wearing-Fool all serious and goateed, is one of the lads arrested. You can tell by his eyes he has no soul. And by his hair he has no taste. This look has been done to death. What other occupation could this  guy have besides being a church arsonist?

This is the kind of guy that makes you move to the other side of the street when you are out walking. How his family must be proud. This lasting picture will be on the mantle for next Christmas and other family gatherings. They will ponder what went wrong with poor little Danny. Meanwhile he is charged with two church arsons and suspected in nine additional church fires.






Danny's buddy Jason (oh yes, they both went to church together before they burned churches together) is the other half of arson team. This Sean Penn wannabe looks like a follower. "Hey, ya wanna burn down a church tonight? Sure why not."

Would you let this guy babysit your kids? How about mow the grass? Would ya let him in your house?? No. No. and No. Sorry about the profiling but do either of these guys present themselves as upstanding citizens?

THEY BURNED 11 CHURCHES TO THE FUCKING GROUND!!!

They set one church on fire and before the firefighters could finish putting it completely out, set another church on fire 5 miles away. The town was pissed and could not believe the firefighters pulled out of the first fire before it was extinguished and took off across town. Then they found out it was to fight a second church fire set by these two numb-nuts.

Of course I have the required recommended punishment, in the spirit of an eye for an eye...bonfire broiling! Lash each one of these guys to a timber, back to back. Construct a large (very large) bonfire pyre underneath them. Lower the timber down on the support poles (much like a pig being cooked over a campfire, if you need a visual).



Now since they are not being cooked to eat, the need for slow roasting is not necessary. Therefore the use of accelerant is authorized. We still want to be humane and just cremate their asses fast, but, thorough.

Then we put their ashes in the foundation of a new church. I think God would approve. I know I do.

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2 comments:

Pat Tillett said...

They'd look real nice with a nice red hole in the middle of their foreheads...

Captain Dumbass said...

I like the roasting idea.

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